The Mechanics of Coherence

Are you connected to your own Heart? 

Do you know its language and the ways it speaks to you?

I observe many people say: “I’m very rational”, as if the Heart is a territory to be outlawed, or at the very least put in a hermetically sealed box. To function optimally we need to have both Heart and Brain in coherence.  The Heart and Brain are connected by ascending and descending pathways. Around 90% of connecting nerve fibres ascend from Heart up to Brain. They are connected through the Vagus Nerve up to the Thalamus.  So when the Heart goes into coherence, the brain will follow suit. The brain waves entrain with the Heart’s rhythm. This is the most potent state for wholeness, balance and regeneration of body, mind and Spirit. Using Heart Rate Variability Analysis (HRVA), and with about 75% accuracy, Scientists can predict how someone is feeling just by looking at the beat activity of the Heart. When our Heart becomes coherent our nervous system responds by increasing the energy in the brain for creativity and intuition, as well as having a positive effect on every organ, cell and system in the body. It also has an effect on the electromagnetic field around us, which many call the Biofield.

We have an incredibly eschewed view of strength in our world.  It has been programmed into us that if we are unemotional and operate only from the brain/mind that somehow that is the definition of strength.  When in fact the opposite is true. 

When we are able to process and move through trauma, setbacks, disappointment, upset, conflict, mistakes and actually completely process those emotions, that is the  evocation of true strength. It is a Matrix Program to constantly be in the brain/mind, thrashing around, searching for solutions to problems with only the rationale of thinking.   Because the coalescence of Heart and Brain as a perfect team holds the key to inner peace, joy, acceptance, detachment from eternal grasping, self-love,  balance, creativity, true expression embodiment, surrender and connection to Source.

When the brain is in disorder, through looping, rehashing old scenarios, trying to force or constantly thinking about solutions to our problems,  it sends incoherent signals through the central nervous system to the rest of the body, which lowers our voltage and affects cells, organs and systems.  We are usually trying to predict the future based on the past.  According to Neuroscience the brain is a ‘prediction machine’ that constructs an elaborate simulation based as much on expectation and previous experiences as the new data hitting our brain and senses.  We create what we predict rather than from a neutral blank state.  Our view of the world comes from the inside out, rather than the other way around.

In Cell Biology when a cell is in an environment where there is conflict or stress then it will not replicate, divide or repair itself.  It doesn’t have enough voltage to do this because it is in effect frozen. Nothing works effectively when we are in stress:  we cannot digest, or process information and unfortunately the list goes on.  As sentient beings it’s more about the internal environment of our own body and what emotions/thoughts are lowering the voltage of cell repair. Cells are designed to run at 25MV (millivolts) but they need 50MV to make a new cell.  When the voltage drops the cells cannot do their important work. Dis-ease on all levels occurs in a low voltage state.

We can blame whatever we like on the outside world, recession, financial crashes, the Elites/Controllers, the lack of availability of decent partners, bosses, co-workers, friends,  lovers, ex-partners and family. But it makes absolutely no difference because when we are in coherence with something it is magnetised to us no matter what the external conditions are. If we believe with our whole being that we will have an abundance of health no matter what is thrown at us from the Matrix Controllers then our body will regenerate regardless of external factors.  If we believe we are susceptible to every germ, bug, parasite, bacteria, virus, chemical, energy weapon , 5G technology and nanoparticle, then we have effectively become prey, and the predator – whatever that is – will certainly get us in some form or another.  Do what you can to mitigate the above and then strengthen the Mind, this is the best form of protection. Because we will certainly get exactly what we believe or predict/expect.

Our Consciousness at any given point in Time and our thoughts/feelings about any given subject are affecting the behaviour of atomic particles within and the field around us. These particles, which are really packets of information, are either attracting or deflecting the things we desire.  You can state something like “I am trusting the universe will bring me my desires”, which is important of course but the problem is very few of us are actually in this true place of total trust and surrender because this is a neutral space. It means the Heart is wide open and that creates a space of knowing that even if that thing we want never happened (detachment) then we would still be complete, joyful and happy (wholeness). All this would be generated from a genuine peaceful place, not the bullshit we constantly spout about being okay with things not working out or pretending nothing affects us.  Mostly our subconscious is filled with varying degrees of low self-worth, doubts, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, shame, guilt and the list goes on.  These are the dominant frequencies that are being broadcast 24/7 so the Universe is bringing us exactly what we are putting out. So unfortunately it’s just more of the same situations to invoke the myriad of emotions that are wailing beneath the veneer of our carefully constructed reality, not to mention the looping thoughts of disaster, doom and hopelessness that many are wrangling with.

When we think (or have a memory), a biochemical reaction begins in our brains causing the brain to release certain chemical signals, activating well-worn neural networks and neurotransmitters. We feel the way we think and think the way we feel. These chemicals make our body feel a certain way: sad, angry, happy, ashamed, guilty, joyful, content, anxious and so on. So our body feels the exact way we were just thinking about. These are the molecules of emotions, (Neuropeptides). It’s a feedback loop.  Feelings and emotions are the chemical end-points of past experiences.  When we think the same thoughts, and feel the same doubts, fear, anxiety, disappointment, anger, grief, over and over again (even if we are not aware of this).  This is effectively what we are broadcasting and televising through our Electromagnetic Field, and thus we attract more of the same disappointing, difficult and conflicting scenarios and mixed signals into our Life. The body is always following the Mind.  The body is an encyclopaedia of every event/feeling/thought we have ever experienced

We can neutralise powerful emotions through the Heart Space that can effectively put to rest those emotions that are running the show behind the scenes.  But the point is that the body is following the mind.  If the Mind believes finding coherence is slow, excruciating or arduous – or that success is hard, finding the right partner is never-ending, or you have to be in the right situation to create money, art, creativity or whatever you want – then that’s the emotion it will evoke in the body, changing the particles within and around it to reflect the thoughts and feelings that are now hard-wired into it.  

It does take a high degree of awareness to change these patterns and programs because we really do have a surfeit of suitcases filled to the brim with them. We have emotional states that are hardwired into the body, so it takes practice and diligence to disentangle from those (especially epigenetic states that have been handed down through the generations).  Our bodies and mind are also addicted to those stress hormones so often it is uncomfortable to be in gratitude or peace for too long because the body isn’t used to it and will try to distract us and bring us back to what it is familiar with, the physical discomfort or the unresolved emotions or lack consciousness. This is often the time that self-sabotage will kick in. We feel good about our practice for a few days, even a week if we are diligent and then we get distracted, dis-heartened or depressed and say “Oh it doesn’t work for me”, or “It’s too hard”. That is just the body/mind acting out from old patterns of stress and familiarity.  This is when the rubber really hits the road because to be consistent takes a certain amount of willpower to overcome these old patterns and addictive stress hormones and states of being. And many give up before the new state has been allowed to take root.

 From about 2-7 years old we are in Theta state which is the most hypnotic state. We are more malleable and programmable by the Matrix we live in. That’s why it’s incredibly important to be mindful about what we tell children, especially about our own experiences or projections about life, money, relationships, work, play and the world in general. Of course we cannot shield children from all programming. The Matrix works its insidious spells regardless of proper parenting or instruction but we can at least be conscious of the words we tell children and what we reveal to them about the world. We don’t have to lie to children and tell them the world will only bring them beautiful peaches and that darkness doesn’t exist, But teaching children to innerstand their own gut instinct and intuition is far more effective than instilling a foreboding sense of wariness and imminent danger about the world we live in.  Yes, the world can definitely be scary and challenging but if children have proper instincts in place and activated intuition  they will avoid potential dangers as much as possible by leaving a situation or event or choosing not to go at all, even before a potential danger or catastrophe happens because their inner promptings instructed them to do so. This is what it means to be in tune with oneself and have the antenna working to its full capacity.

Tribes who lived in dangerous areas where predators roamed or poisonous creatures could strike at any moment, or other tribes could descend upon them, would always be completely alert to their surroundings. They would  also follow their intuition and instincts, they would not just rely on their 5 senses.They would also rely on their inner GPS, which like all beings in this realm  is aligned with the magnetic fields of the Earth.   We have lost this in the modern world, we are often out in the world, zoned out, lost in our thoughts or feelings, melded to our phones, texting, chatting or listening to something on our devices. Our natural instincts are shut down. We are rarely present, alert or conscious of our surroundings. If we are not even conscious of our surroundings then how can we be conscious of what we are creating or attracting onto us? 

If we taught children Heart and Brain coherence,even in the modern world of technology and distraction, then they would have a foundational awareness about themselves and how to fully interact with the world around them in a more embodied state so that they were more in tune with how to navigate potential challenges. Their brains would be wired differently, they would not be as prone to anxiety and ADD and the myriad of mis-wiring conditions that plague the modern Earth dweller. Many branches of the global Military teaches its soldiers how to be in Heart and Brain Coherence  Along with the standard training they also receive and undergo exercises to be able to go into Heart/Brain Coherence in an instant so that they can make more effective choices and decisions under duress.  This can mitigate PTSD and trauma responses before they have taken hold. They are also making decisions from a whole body perspective, rather than just the brain.

We are meant to be in coherence with the Heart.  We were never meant to just use our brains to solve problems and to just rely on our rationality.  Whole brain thinking not only utilises the left and right hemispheres but also the Heart through these synchronised pathways and electrical currents. We are meant to be in dialogue with and continually exchange information with the Heart.  

The Heart is a Neural Network and its vibration resonates at 0.1Hertz when in coherence. In 1991 it was discovered and now widely recognised, that there are 40,000 specialised cells in the human Heart called ‘Sensory Neurons’.  This forms a neural network that thinks, feels and remembers independently of the Cranial Brain.  Everything we have experienced in life is recorded in both the Brain and the Heart.  So we actually have 2 Neural Networks, which is an advantage for humans because we have the power and capacity to self-regulate our biology by our thoughts and feelings. Conversely as we already know we can create more destruction with what we think and feel both within us and the actions we take in the world at large. Peer Reviewed Science discovered that the Heart speaks a language to our body through electromagnetic waves. When the Heart and Brain become fully harmonised they operate as a single system and this is where the essence of wholeness resides in this 0.1Hertz of coherence.

Gratitude and feelings of Love are the number 1 mechanics of becoming a whole functioning Being. They donate more electrons than any other states of being, even more than joy, inspiration or freedom.

Gratitude harmonises and balances.  

Gratitude releases dopamine and serotonin. 

Gratitude synchronises activation of multiple brain regions for more effective thinking and processing of information and memory recall and retention.

Gratitude increases the capacity for Wisdom and converting that to Gnosis.

Gratitude calms the nervous system and relieves cortisol, adrenaline, blood sugar spikes.

Gratitude increases resilience in the face of adversity. It allows the nervous system to rest and digest (parasympathetic), re-directs away from anxiety (sympathetic),  and conserves energy by slowing heart rate, thus creating levels of calmness and peace.

Gratitude changes our relationships and the way we perceive others  (obviously we are not misconstruing abusive behaviour and continually allowing it in the name of gratitude). But it allows us space to be more magnanimous and forgiving.

Gratitude provides a much greater clarity, less victim-hood and hopelessness with more capacity to activate powerful action.  

Gratitude increases voltage, magnetism and electromagnetic potential both for the body and the biofield.

Gratitude generated in the Heart for 10-15 minutes a day during studies increased the levels of IgA (Immunoglobulin A), which is the marker of the Immune System.  Gratitude causes our atoms to spin faster, so they broadcast a stronger energy voltage, which in turn affects our physical bodies and the way our bodies process nutrients, glucose and other integral body processes.

Gratitude doesn’t take away life’s challenges, that would be erroneous and foolish to believe. Invariably, challenges will always be presented to us to deepen our awareness and consciousness but it does reframe and redirect vital life force toward coherent solutions, rather than just brain/mind based solutions that have not seen the whole picture with the eyes and ears of the Heart.  We mostly see things how we are – not how they actually are because we are clouded by mis-wired reactions, perceptions, programs, beliefs  and triggers from our past and the eschewed incoming data from the present.  

Becoming coherent in Heart and Brain can assist us and give us the space to use more of our unseen senses, gut instinct, intuition, inner GPS and increase our voltage potential. It can also assist us to forgive ourselves for all our wrong turns, repeated mistakes, distractions etc.  And it also helps us to forgive those in our lives who have behaved less than optimally. We are all dealing with a misfiring and miswiring of our Brains and Hearts.  We are doing the best we can with what we have at any given time, which is mostly varying degrees of incoherence, chaos, repressed and suppressed emotions, high cortisol, low voltage, dis-ease, muddled and muddied thinking, anxiety, depression, aggression and the list goes on.  Heart and Brain coherence takes effort –  it takes a fortitude of will and a certain amount of force to face one’s own ingrained, hardwired reactions and thoughts/feelings.  It will not just happen on its own without intervention from ourselves.  It’s our task to become aware and monitor our thoughts, process our emotions so they are not running the hardware in the background. This is what becoming the Observer means.  It means becoming conscious of the unconscious.  

And whilst we may not be broken in the largest sense of the word, many of us have been fractured from past experiences. We have hairline fractures in the fabric of our Heart and Brain systems that need our conscious awareness to act as a sealant and balm.  We have outdated programs held in place by incoherent wiring and electrical networks that need deleting. We have been detached from who we really are and have totally forgotten that we hold the Power within. That we can recode our Binary Computer by our singular choice to do so. We only determine reality by observation and awareness.  And that requires us to really see, hear and be present with what is going on within and around us. In this age of information and distraction it can take a Herculean attempt to change one’s Mind and Heart but it is ultimately the only task we can undertake if we want to really live from that level of wholeness that we know is waiting to be fully activated.

***I have a YouTube channel called:’ REVERSE ENTROPY’ with several videos. My latest one accompanies this post. It is a Heart Brain Coherence Meditation/exercise.  Check it out*****

Liminal

I have always had a fascination with the spaces between things. The space between Space/Time itself. The space between a blink. The gaps between the out-breath and the in-breath. The space between the percolation of an idea and the actual creative manifestation of that idea. The spaces between the beat of our hearts and the beat of a drum. And isn’t Life itself a space that we fill with experiences and memories for however long we are here?

Spaces themselves are a Paradox, they are seemingly empty, but are never actually empty. They are, in fact, teaming with forces known and unknown. As human feeling beings we are innately afraid of these Liminal Spaces because it can trigger an avalanche of abandonment, rejection, boredom and loneliness programs within us that we invariably try to find ways of covering with as many layers as strategically possible. We overwhelm ourselves with constant doing, achieving, controlling, forcing or – at the other end of the spectrum – lazing around, ignoring, and beclouding ourselves into a space that is more familiar. We mostly don’t feel safe in the unknown and therefore we persistently avoid it.

To allow ourselves to be comfortable and sit in those Liminal Spaces generates a state of recalibration, a reset of our broadband frequency. Our brains and DNA transmit and receive radio waves, which are Wireless Signals. We have an in-built Wi-Fi system. This is not hyperbole or ‘woo-woo’, this is the latest in Neuroscience and Quantum Physics. We are quite literally The Internet. We are a web of entangled atoms, a wave field of energy or Light refracting and reflecting itself along our progression through Space. In fact it has been proven that we are mostly space – 99.99999% Space and less than 0.0001% density. It is postulated that if we collected the sum total of all the density of humans on this planet it would only take up the space of a sugar cube.

The emptiness is where all the potential of Life exists. Forcing and efforting are programs of this Time Matrix, an old paradigm that is steadily crumbling. We were taught that it is only through being busy and constant doing that we create. We were taught that we only make change from matter to matter. When in actuality the fundamental Law of Quantum Mechanics is that Energy comes first and Matter comes second. That Cause and Effect is the Newtonian Model of Reality that states that something has to happen before I can………..be happy, be successful……..FILL IN THE BLANK! Quantum Mechanics shows us that we are the Consciousness causing the effect. We are collapsing Electrons into a new experience by whatever we think, feel and do. When our energy is diffused, we are often hanging and banging about in chaos frequency, on that eternal treadmill wearing out shoes and often not reaching that desired goal or dream. And as a side note of course we have to do the work to create on the outside world, action is a required motion. But being in a state of power and not force is an entirely different electromagnetic signature. When we have created ourselves anew in these empty-filled spaces we have directed Energy to affect Matter and not the other way around which can take an extraordinarily long amount of Time to affect Matter to Matter, whereas Energy to Matter can often (but obviously not always) be instantaneous. But is definitely a more seamless and energetically coherent dialogue with the all that it within and around us.

Languishing in the empty spaces is where we merge with the frequency of the thing that we want to create – whether consciously or unconsciously. There is a poetry, a wordless elegance to these spaces, a perfect symmetry of patterns and intelligence that illuminates and informs our Life, if we allow it. The empty spaces encode and download information that is beyond our five senses. It is the place where our consciousness is the most malleable to openly structure the activation of our desired evolution. Space is inside of us. We can be conscious of that 99.99999%, the second we close our eyes. The inside of our Mind is not in our body. We are an oscillating body of Space, burning thermodynamic energy, moving through the aether of Space. There is no separation between the Space within us and the Space around us – that’s not New Age hokum, that’s Quantum Mechanics! And before the appellation of Quantum Physics was handed out, every Culture and Indigenous Nations knew and innately understood and innerstood this. We are the dumb ones who often need convincing of the Unified Field. The deeper we go inside ourselves the more we have direct access to the Universal Mind. The more we merge with the Consciousness of Creation, the more we come to know ourselves.

In Physics the Law of Entanglement states that relationship is the defining characteristic of everything in Space and Time and it is independent of distance and requires no physical link. We are all just a sea of moving waves and atoms, linked by the very fabric of Space. Scientists have conducted a plethora of experiments with high-tech equipment on moving 2 entangled atoms at vast distance from one another and whatever you do to one of them, it simultaneously has the same effect on the other, despite distance and circumstance. This is the principle of distance healing and non-local energetic exchange or prayer.

Everything and everyone is linked by the Quantum Field of Information. We are not just moving through space we are using Space to move through because its alive and dynamic. Everything exists as pure potential until observed. Atoms and particles, and waveforms of Light are all consciously aware, shifting geometry and structure in a dance of coherent shapes and curvatures. Once these atoms are observed they then have the potential to coagulate into matter and the ‘things’ and spaces in our lives we wish to create. This is how we be-come, how we merge with Life, instead of chasing Life around and begging for it to bring us our dreams and goals. Begging or petitioning is only ever orchestrated from a state of lack and incoherence. We can only be-come when we embrace the space within because it holds vital information pertinent only to us. It is deeply personal but also paradoxical because it also a deeply Universal Truth.

To be aware in any kind of state, whether that’s a favourable or a less than favourable state, takes a level of consciousness. We can do all the energy work in the world but if we are not ‘consciously’ aware of what our thoughts and feelings are doing, not just once a day but moment by moment, then energy work has a hard time ‘sticking’. It is just an amorphous stream, running right by us, while we are dazing and hazing through our Life. Thoughts are Light-waves travelling at speeds faster than the speed of Light, so we call them Superluminal. Thoughts are electrical. Feelings are magnetic. Because Magnetism is a super powerful force, far stronger than the Gravitational Force, magnets attract that which is being broadcast. Whatever ‘feeling state’ we are in will magnetise more unto itself. This is why we can ‘think’ we want abundance, success, love, perfect health, a deep connection and relationship with others yet if our feelings – which are mostly crafted in the subterranean spaces of the subconscious – are magnetically broadcasting the opposite then that is what we will magnetise unto ourselves: more lack, more confusion, more dis-connection, more stagnancy and the list goes on. These are the tenets of Neuroscience, Hebb’s Law and the eternal dance of the Neuropeptides (molecules of emotion).

There is structure to space. There is an agile geometry, cohesion and rhythm to the gaps between things. The Liminal is an ordered space we have not yet fully acknowledged or embraced, or directly gazed upon its beauty. If we have not become the Observer to the Spaces we find ourselves in, then theoretically they do not exist and we are not consciously aware of them – we do not garner the wisdom and conscious memory held within them. The spaces and gaps between things are highly sophisticated and they are encoded with endless information. The spaces between things are an energetic storehouse of information and data, waiting to be collected, transferred, re-coded and then transmitted. The First Law of Thermodynamics – Conservation of Energy – states that Energy cannot be destroyed or created, it just simply changes from one form to another. Consciousness conserves the voltage of energy into a Choice Point and then we have enough reserves and resources to re-create more favourable conditions for ourselves and assist others to do the same. When we are in a weaker voltage, we are literally leaking bio-photons, which is essentially our Life-Force. The more Bio-Photons we have the more physical energy, coherence, health, vitality and connectivity in our synapses and neural pathways. We are literally and figuratively a highly charged battery.

I came to see my lifelong migraines as a form of short-circuiting of the electrical connections in my brain. I was leaking precious bio-photons due to stress, unresolved emotional issues, tension, looping thoughts and holding on too tight, all of which significantly dampen the Life-force and lower the Voltage of our natural Electrical conductivity. We are Super Conductors of Electromagnetic Energy and when we really digest this we realise that most of our energy is tied to the feelings and thoughts within us that steal our Electrons, ergo diminishing our voltage potential. We often wonder why we don’t have much physical energy. Physical Energy is thermodynamic, it is dependant on the flow in and out and the relationship between input/work, heat, temperature and energy and how the systems perform their job, given all these antecedent factors. Stress, the largest villain in our modern lives, does the most stellar job of rendering our thermodynamic, electromagnetic energy to a faint pulse – a fading spark – where we view Life on a dimmer switch.

The most important step to take in Life is to let go of the blaming of external people, places and things that we give power over us simply by blaming them for our emotional state. And this is really the work of gaining consciousness because it is exceptionally hard not to blame outside forces (which include people, places, things, situations etc). We have ALL been programmed to be victims of Life’s circumstances, to say “Oh my boss/friend/partner is a narcissist and therefore I’m miserable/unhappy/upset because of it” – we all do it. Or “The reason I don’t have a partner is because all men/women are unconscious and selfish” or “The reason I’ve not achieved my dreams is because I’m too busy or this event happened to me however many years ago”. These are the many Stories of our Lives that we hold onto with an iron fist. And yes, humans behave in appalling ways depending on the knowledge or consciousness we/they have at any given time. And if we can we must always remove ourselves from toxic/abusive circumstances and people. We all have trauma points or upset from being on the receiving end of terrible behaviour.

We have to take responsibility for the way we feel and how long we allow ourselves to feel that way. That is the very thing that is in our control. Some people never let go of grudges or cling to the past until the day they die, there is no freedom or mastery in this. To have all of your precious Life-force tied up in the addiction to suffering is such a waste of our potential to create and assist others with our innate skills and gifts. But to not blame others requires a level of consciousness and a degree of coherence that must be earned – it will never be handed to us. And we fail at it time and time again. But it’s through those failures that it is always possible to increase our consciousness quota, by showing up again and again, despite our flaws, failures and addictive emotional/mental patterns. Many people say they forgive or they hold no grudges or they are not a victim but their energy tells a very different story. I believe we are partly here to overcome ourselves and all of that programming, conditioning, beliefs, stagnant emotions and erroneous thoughts that we have swallowed throughout our lives, The reason why so many people never ever get what they want is because they are not wiling to really do the work of becoming conscious of what electro-magnetic signature we are broadcasting out into our lives that is magnetically attracting like for like. A magnet can only repel when the opposite is presented to it. It will always seek more of the same unto itself and repel that which is not the same.

Throughout my own journey, I have more often than not found myself in these seemingly empty spaces. I have relinquished many old, out-dated parts of myself to be recycled by the generous hand of the Aether itself. I have acquired parts of myself that had been there all along but were in hiding due to trauma, doubts, habitual patterns and beliefs. And this dance continues day by day, year by year, it’s never a done deal. Whenever we are attempting to heal something in our lives whether that’s our health, relationships or money situation, we are required to enter the empty yet full-filled space of the unknown, the un-manifest. To be at our station as the Liminal Space calls to us to relinquish the steadfast grip of incessant control and surrender to something bigger than ourselves – whatever you want to call that, Zero-point Energy Quantum Field, The Divine, Source, Aether, The Great Mystery, The Sacred or God. The Force beyond us is not Religious, punishing or controlling as many would spout. It is the Ubiquitous Loving Force, the ineffable, the Eternal Space from which we come from and to which we will return. The spark of this force is in every atom, wave, molecule, tissue, organ, fluid, system of our entire body and all of existence. It is the Empty Space, filled to the brim with the wisdom of it’s experience. It is experiencing Life through us.

What is your relationship to the spaces and gaps in your life?

Do you freak out and try to fill them with ‘doing’ – even if that’s creative work?

Are you able to sit in the ‘nothingness’ – to know yourself?

Who are you without the trappings of the outside world?

What does emptiness bring up for you? What emotions, panic, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt?

As humans we are all desperately trying to be ‘Some-one’ and yet it is in the No-one or No-where that we are re-united with the ‘Real True Self’, beyond the layers of identity and the personality with it’s likes and dislikes, opinions, attitudes, preferences, judgements, dogmas and biases. We are Eternal Space moving through Eternal Space.

*** If you are interested I have a Public Telegram Channel called ‘Quantum Hum’. ***

Bridging the Division

We live in a very separatist world. It is a world of polarities, of opposing sides and positions.  As human beings we are relegated to being either good or bad, peaceful or angry, a Madonna or a whore, pure or impure, broken or fixed, healed or unhealed, poor or rich, sane or insane and the list goes on and on – it’s the bibliography of our existence. But I think one of the biggest polarities we face in our evolution is whether we are either Spiritual or Factual/Reality based.  Because as of yet Science has not yet managed to prove the omnipotent, the omniscient and the ineffable.  So we’ve been shoved into one camp or another. We are often metaphorically strong-armed to pick a side and stay there, indoctrinated to make our choice.

 The reality is that most human beings are a smorgasbord of different beliefs, preferences and experiences.  Human beings are a burgeoning pot of overflowing ingredients that offer many different flavours and hues.  But mostly we respond to structure and delineations, to data and commonly held beliefs, often to our own detriment.

Thank goodness there are many Scientists I have been fortunate enough to be led to discover and study that are committed to bridging the gap between Science and Spirituality.  There is a plethora of cutting edge Science that is literally dangling over the cusp of becoming more mainstream. The Multi-verse theory is such an example.  Even the late great Stephen Hawking said something along the lines of that it would be incredibly arrogant and short-sighted of us to believe that we were the only race to exist in the entire omni-verse. If we exist then there are almost certainly bound to be other planets that have life on them.  With over 200 billion stars in this galaxy, there could be 11 billion ‘Goldilocks Zone’ Earth-size planets in this Milky Way Galaxy alone.  It is not extraordinary or rare.  Earth is a planet in the so called ‘Goldilocks Zone’, neither too far or too close to its sun -our sun – which is a main Sequence G2 Dwarf Star. Astronomers with the Kepler Space Telescope detected several thousand stars that could potentially have planets in the life-friendly Goldilocks Zone.  More than 2,000 exoplanets have already been identified.  So there is ultimately the potential for there to be life on billions of other planets.

It is fairly common that people with an innate or ever-expanding thirst for all things spiritual are often relegated into the small parameters of a place called ‘La La Land’ where apparently they wouldn’t know the real world if it bit them on the behind!  Time after time spiritual seekers are diminished to nothing more than flaky, fly by night types who cavort in realms with fairies, dragons and unicorns. The misconception is that they only have their own over-extended imaginations to keep them company. 

It seems much more acceptable in recent times to admit you have mental health issues or that you are launching yourself headfirst into self-care and self-development as long as you keep yourself away from the ‘woo-woo’s’ and have your feet on dry land.

But what is sad is that even at this point in our spiritual evolution as a planet, many believe that as spiritual beings we are still in our infancy.  It’s often outlawed to admit you are spiritual. That you see energies, spirits or accept guidance from beings that are not from this planet.  People often mistake spirituality for religion. That if you are spiritual then it really means you are religious and may whack someone over the head with scripture from the weighty book. To be spiritual definitely does not automatically mean you are religious or entertain any of the control mechanisms put in place to keep religion alive.  

But what does being spiritual in the modern world really mean?  Well, I don’t think it holds a lot of weight for many.  It’s taken with a pinch of salt.  Or you get comments such as “Aren’t you worried people will think you are crazy?”  Despite the fact that you are more stable than most of the people around you, you sadly still get labeled as a fruitcake or someone who has little grasp of reality.  You are often judged as an unverifiable bandwidth that doesn’t connect to the real problems of every day life. And of course there are always extreme examples of people who do completely live their lives in a haze of unrealistic entitlements, who believe that some being with wings will take away all of their problems.  There is no power in this, we can have assistance from angels for sure, but mostly we are here to clean our own mess up, with the assistance of spirit.  No being will do that entirely for us.  How would we learn otherwise? Consciousness has to be earned, no one will drop that in our laps. 

Many spiritual people are met with a metaphorical slapping down or at the very least a rolling of eye, a snarl or snigger of the mouth when you mention past lives, entities, aliens, discarnates, dark force frequencies and many other things.  Of course Shamans have been interacting with the forces of the universe for millennia.  They track through our past lives to find the original source of the wound that we are struggling with today. They converse with spirits and plants and beings that are not from this solar system.  Shamans move energy. If you have an undesirable energy attached to you, they will remove it.  A psychic will only tell you what they see, they usually can’t move energy. But a shaman will clear and rebalance any foreign energies in your system.  This is why I embarked on shamanic training.  Because it’s effective, it works.  The proof is in the pudding.  Shamans have a foot in both worlds, this is their gift. They are able to straddle both the polarities and thrive doing so.

But as with anything the judgment and myopia can also work both ways.  Spiritual people often mock the uninitiated, the non-believers of magic, the supposed unhealed of this world.  They relegate them to a Palace of Ignorance and mock those totally mired in the problems of reality as somehow less than.  

I’ve never really set up residence in either camp.  I never felt like I fitted into either of the polarities.  I am highly scientific but I am also wildly spiritual. I don’t just believe in something because Science tells me because I know how much misinformation and incorrect theories there are in the scientific world-view that has dominated our consciousness for way too long.  Many Scientists are stuck in an old paradigm, an old-school domain that is limiting and outmoded, doggedly clinging to old theories and beliefs that are completely outdated and that mostly don’t work and haven’t solved any of the questions we still ponder.  But at the same time I don’t just believe every conspiracy or new fangled spiritual tool that is thrust in my direction.  We have to use our intuition or discernment and sometimes we are just not ready for that particular tool, information or modality but at some point in the future we will be. It’s all too easy to dismiss something because it seems strange or odd.  Life is strange and odd!  The things I know are mostly because I’ve had direct experience of them. Knowing I am a sane person, I don’t believe I am barking mad if I get information and guidance, or if I see entities which I regularly do.  If it feels right to me it is.  And often I will see and hear things and then be led to the corroboration of that in some form or another. So it lands on all levels spiritually, intellectually and emotionally.

“Spirituality is just the Science not yet discovered”. Nassim Harramein

Like many of us I am judged for my innate knowing because mainstream Science hasn’t yet verified or admitted to its existence.  That doesn’t make it wrong.  I do think that as a society we need to become more open.  I’m often left frustrated when people say “Yes but give me the Science’” and I show them the latest cutting edge research from Scientist’s studying many strange and wonderful phenomena such as the mind body connection, Torsion Fields, Ormus, Plasma, electromagnetism and so on.  I explain the latest research on the human bio-field which is torodial in nature just as a single atom is torodial and the torsion fields – which are the emanations lacking mass and energy from the quantum spin of particles travelling at super high speeds. Or I tell them that we are photonic in nature, our cells and our DNA emit light, that we are 99.99999% space and less than 1 per cent density. That we don’t exist in a vacuum but in a plenum (which means full in Latin) and the plenum is teeming with forces both unknown and known, such as gravity, electromagnetism, dark matter and dark energy, nuclear forces and many yet undiscovered forces and particles. We don’t live in a random universe but in a highly coherent system that is linked to every other systems again, both known and unknown. Everything we experience on a macro and micro level is affecting everything else.    And people look at me blankly because they don’t understand it, or their eyes glaze over. I don’t believe they really do want the Science. They just pick and choose indiscriminately what they want to believe in – without ever having researched or investigated it, especially if it seems strange.  Because most of it is based on an old scientific world view that now has very little to do with our current evolution .They are not open to the latest discoveries because it’s not been written about in mainstream sources. So they disbelieve its credibility.

The effects of spiritual practices are being openly investigated in a plethora of laboratories around the globe.  And the data suggests that spiritual people are happier, have more joy, more connection, purpose and are ultimately physically healthier. The current Scientific Worldview is just plain dogma and has become a belief system that is mostly not correct or appropriate for our developing consciousness. The belief that the world is empty and made up of dead matter and is incoherent and purposeless is fundamentally wrong.  The belief that consciousness is in the brain, and at some point if we have enough equipment they will eventually detect it there, is a complete mistake.  Even though we now know that the heart has 60 times greater electromagnetic charge than the brain and there are more neurons in the heart than the brain. 

I think people have a hard time reconciling the fact that if we are not our bodies then what are we? Even if Science tells us we are 97% stardust and that many of the amino acids in our bodies are sourced directly from decaying stars, flashing in and out of existence in a dance of nuclear fusion.   People don’t want to know that we are more space than density because so many people feel so empty already and to entertain the fact that on a sub-atomic level this is somehow true makes Life seem even more flimsy, impermanent and vacant. But I believe we have entered a very exciting time both Scientifically and Spiritually and I think when we are ready more of the Truth of who we are will be discovered. The Reductionist viewpoint is finally getting a makeover! 

The universe is expanding and no one knows why.  I have my own theories based on both science and my own innate knowing but as of yet no one is able to tell us why the universe is literally expanding at an alarming rate. But the significance is that we as Beings of Light in human form are expanding faster than ever in our evolution.  There is more high photonic light being downloaded on a daily basis. We have more resources available to us than ever before yet we feel stalled.  But the Shift is happening and will continue to happen.  Whenever we work on ourselves and shift a pattern that changes our electromagnetic field, we then literally vibrate differently and our electrons and protons emit more light and more voltage.  The charge completely re-arranges us on a molecular level and then we then attract different situations and people in our sphere.  The happier we are the more it affects those around us. But of course it must be genuine joy.  Pretending to be happy or that we are fine when we are not is definitely not the same and will not attract the same effects. As powerful as the mind is, frequency doesn’t lie – we can’t fake frequency.  People see through it.

 “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something because you don’t know anything about it”. Wayne Dyer

Sometimes spirituality can seem so remote, so unbelievable and untenable.  But I totally believe that when we find the answers inside then the answers will be revealed in the outer world.  But we must go within and see and experience what feels right and valid for us.  Our evolution is hanging in the balance and we are at the bifurcation point. We will either descend into destruction and annihilation or we will move into a new paradigm of growth and of discoveries that we never believed possible.  We must be more open.  It is important to have hope for the future.  We can radically affect change in positive ways and live in a world where the people in it are conscious and responsible for their actions and the intrinsic system of our reality is in congruence with the extrinsic system of the Universe at large.  But it does take work on our part. 

I am eternally grateful that I have and have always had an inquisitive mind.  I’ve always needed to know how things work, how the universe, my body, my mind and my spirit operate.  So I’ve always been a researcher, seeking out the answers within and searching and sifting through the latest discoveries and developments on the fringe of all facets of Science.  It’s all too easy to dismiss something because it seems new and we don’t understand it. There are many things in the universe that seem unbelievable but yet are being verified and I urge us all to stay open.  Stay open, ask questions, seek your own answers and do your own research. There is much misinformation out there.  There are many who want to demolish the latest advances because they want to continue to feed the old limited views. People fear what they don’t know.  So don’t take anything at face value.  Just be open enough to say I don’t understand it but yet I will try not to dismiss it.

 Science tells us that we really are star beings. We are a wave formation that not only exists in our DNA but also in every corner and constant of the universe.  We are the multi-verse in one body. The latest research tells us that at least 94% of our DNA is lying in hiding, waiting to be ignited into our potential futures.  Because there is more of us just waiting on the threshold of existence to become who were meant to become, which is multi-dimensional.  The point is we already are multi-dimensional but when we can really see this and more importantly feel it and take responsibility for clearing ourselves of the past just think of what will become possible not just personally but as a species.  There is the possibility of complete unification of heart, mind and spirit, bursting forth in a symbiotic sway of electromagnetic pulses. I don’t want to set up my tent on either side of the demarcation lines so I will continue to dance in both sides of the equation, searching and finding, staying open, being vigilant over ego and preconceptions.  Most of the things society believes are a complete misperception of reality because the true nature of reality has not yet been revealed. 

But it will and we must be ready. 

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Cosmic Conduit

What does it really mean to be a human being?

On a purely molecular level we are predominantly a collection of oxygen and finely constructed carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, potassium, sulfur, sodium, and many more elements.  We are elemental in design and flavour.

We are a compacted gathering of atoms and sub-atomic particles. Physicists now widely believe that an atom is made up of 99.999999% space.  So it means that we are more space than we are matter. Physicists are also now hypothesising that it is space that defines matter and not matter that defines space. 

So what does that mean anyway that we are ‘mostly space’?  Maybe that will mean nothing to you.  To me it means everything.  It means that I am a space or a vacuum of potential.  Many of us already know that we are 93% stardust – a hologram of our previous incarnation as part of a star system.  Or at least our atomic structure remembers that we were a star, or perhaps part of a black hole, or riding on the back of a gravitational wave.  Either way we are not just random skin and bones plopped haphazardly onto the planet.

Apparently 97% of our DNA consists of material that does not contain the information of our hereditary make-up.  Scientists believe they may have overlooked substantial chunks of DNA in the genome sequencing to date.  They are calling it ‘Dark DNA’ because it has been hidden and not been detailed so far.

So there are massive gaps or bridges in our DNA that nobody knows what they are for or how they got there, or if they have always been there.  When you have delved into your spiritual back story many of us already know that we have had hundreds and thousands of incarnations and that some of those incarnations were not human, that we were star-beings or perhaps even an atom that made up a far flung galaxy billions of light years away.  Everything is just a collection of atoms and particles anyway, no matter where we end up.

Gaps of Potentiality

For me this information means that there are titanic gaps of potentiality written in a secret code in my DNA sequencing that has absolutely nothing to do with who I have always thought I am. To me it means confirmation of infinite freedom and liberation, there is nothing here that is written in blood. I am free to decide who I want to be. Of course this is often where the real work begins. 

“Who do we want to be?” 

“What do we want to contribute to the planet?”

“If I were truly free what would I do with my time, love and energy?”  

The only limits that I have or that we have are the ones we place on ourselves.  We only use a small proportion of our brains and the potential for more whole brain intelligence is staggering. As a species we have untold potential to ascend further than we ever have done and certainly more than we have been led to believe. But we must decide whether we choose life or an apathy that leads to destruction both on a personal level and on a planetary level.

Many of us talk about taking up space in the world and of course we mean this on a purely emotional level, that we long to be seen and heard and to really own our space.  But in this pure potential of mainly space, we are taking up more space than our limited minds can possibly ever imagine.  We are space and only a tiny, minute percentage of matter.  We actually cannot NOT take up space.

Many people talk about ‘going with the flow’ – it has become a buzz word, almost a colloquialism.  A modern fable of a life that we somehow don’t really have to lift a finger, that if ‘we go with the flow’ then life will just magically produce all of our dreams on a star-filled platter.  Like you can sit on the same bench at the same time everyday and miraculously the man or woman of your dreams will just saunter by declare their love and then you will make plans for the rest of your lives together.  Then the next day at the same time, on the same bench someone will waft by and offer you their fortune and their fifteen bedroom mansion and five sports cars for no other reason than just because.  Of course I’m being facetious but it’s amazing that the rudiments of this are actually not that far from some people’s wish system. They don’t actually want to do anything but hope they get everything they want in return.

Of course I’m not saying synchronicities don’t happen – they have definitely happened to me and I’m sure they have happened to you. The points in life when something does just happen fairly effortlessly but if you look closely enough it has usually preceded a period of letting go, or after releasing a big piece of emotional heft that desperately needed clearing. Something usually went before it.  Some degree of emotional furniture arranging took place – it was not just by chance.

What many don’t realise is that to really ‘go with the flow’ we have to become ‘superconductors’ which basically means we have no resistance to the flow of energy. That to create optimal health we need spiritual, mental, emotional and physical bodies that are ‘superconductors’ to the flow of cosmic energy coming into us from the universe.  Most people, especially if they haven’t done that much work on themselves, are filled with a galaxy of emotional, mental and spiritual blocks that will not allow anything to flow through it.  You can’t roll a boulder uphill! 

I also feel that a lot of people are terrified to make changes in their lives and so they carry on doing the same things over and over, yet expecting different results, thinking the same limited thoughts and disregarding their bodies and their minds all the while hoping that life will just bring them everything they need.  It doesn’t work like that.  I believe the universe and everything in it is self-referential, it is learning about itself through us. So we need to have a grasp on how our environment communicates to us and as with the science of epigenetics we have to have awareness of what switches off and on those genes that allow us not just to survive but to actually thrive and be liberated. Those gaps of potentiality are waiting for us to fill them.

There are many, many things that switch off our ability to successfully move forward and be clear conduits – stress and all manner of emotional boulders usually being the first, closely followed by the photon building properties of the foods we eat.  Photons are a quantum of light and the more naturally close to nature we eat our foods, the more the photons from the sun have penetrated our foods as it has with all raw and uncooked foods. Then the more light or biophotons we have in our cells can then transform and transmute enough electrical conductivity to produce health and longevity. Our cells can gather light from the universe and within our own biology to become a catalyst for growth and change. If you smoke, drink, eat tons of denatured foods like sugar, cakes, fried food, breads etc then our cells become clogged and lose their ability to hold light. The minute you cook anything, the biophoton availability is mostly completely lost. Our cells then lose the ability to replicate and our telomeres, which are the end caps of our chromosomes, then shorten and entropy beyond repair. We actually have a lot of control over what will determine our health just by choosing what we allow into our bodies. And subsequently what emotional states we allow to enter or leave our bodies can also be the deciding factor in true holistic health.

So ‘going with the flow’ is actually not the easy walk in the park that some make it out to be.  It can often involve a lot of work behind the scenes to become that clear channel we seek, to become that ‘superconductor’ of life energy. To truly go with the flow we need to go deeper and look at our fear and stuckness because if we are not doing any action to achieve our dreams then it’s highly unlikely the flow is going to happen. If you feel stuck in your life and you are not doing anything to get out of this, then unfortunately you will create more of the same.  If we are not creating then we are living within a slow drone of desperation, a subtle boredom where our hearts, souls and minds are not ignited in the ways that are potentially possible. 

It is our divine right to create.  The universe gets to know itself intimately through our creations and in the myriad ways we human beings express our light.  What would you like your gaps of potentiality to contain? Who do you want to be?  What do you want to contribute to the world?  How do you want to show up in the world and how do you want to flow? We are so much more than just a storybook of the life we’ve already had.  What about the life waiting in the wings for us? The life we can step into that is not based on the limited views of ourselves, of others or society?  The potential is in our DNA – it is in our grasp.

 

The House of Proust

Death is beyond words.  It is a silent punctuation, the speechless metaphorical funeral that we re-live time and time again.  People often turn to poetry to articulate the transcendental, nameless faces of death.  Death is bewildering for the mind to comprehend. The mind always seeks to control, to attach to something, to make sense of what we experience. It cannot begin to fathom how a living, breathing structure of humanness can be here one minute and then – Poof! – it renders itself invisible to us in the next. Death is evanescent, one minute life stands in front of us, reaching out, beckoning us to come closer and then in a nanosecond it is snatched away, just a collection of sub-atomic particles dissolving into the ether – nothing substantial left to grasp, or hold or hug. It is no longer ours, it is part of the cosmos, a wave of atmospheric fluctuations.

Grief is the tattooed remnant, the stamp that remains. It is a blistering culmination of not just love, but sometimes, unresolved regret, guilt, anger and resentment. It is a soup of emotional condiments that vie for our attention.  Usually when someone dies we are often left with an overwhelming feeling that we don’t know what to do with – the feeling being that we are alive so what do we then do with that?  Guilt usually gets its elbows back in and needles us back into the throes of grief. How dare we feel grateful for being alive when we have lost something so valuable?

For many of us we don’t believe death is the end.  We believe it is the beginning – of another chapter at least.  When I undertook my in-depth shamanic training, death was a constant within the teachings.  We were taught that death was an ally.  In many cultures, particularly Native American and South American shamanic cultures, they believe that we should honour death daily and to keep it at close quarters.  “It’s a good day to die” they say. Those in the West would believe that this was a morbid statement and best nervously avoided.  It’s actually a beautiful affirmation that we need to be living our lives as if this day might be our last, being present in it from moment to moment no matter what arises.  Because after all we don’t know how long we will be here before we shuffle off this mortal coil.  Do we want to be spending our last day or moments in misery and anger – a joyless crease that takes over not just our faces but our lives? 

The shamans urge us to befriend Death, to know it intimately, to let it guide us and to let it teach us moment to moment on how to live.  It’s not just about the loss of a beloved one, or the loss of a human life.  It is the things within that need to come to an end, to dissolve into the ether. The mini-deaths we all need to experience whilst we are alive.  The erroneous beliefs we have taken on from a society that constantly niggles us that as every minute goes by we are more and more powerless, redundant and infinitely screwed!

I am going through many deaths at the moment, people I know are leaving or have left this plane of existence and there is always grief surrounding that.  But on a more personal level I am dying to many aspects of my being that were no longer serving me. Old belief systems that were very insidious and some buried deep in my psyche are doing their final waltz before they eventually retire their dancing shoes.  I am monumentally in the throes of death, aspects that are dying as I approach my power years.

I have never felt the way that many women feel about age or getting older.  I feel, and I believe, I am infinitely improving with age like a specially cultivated fine wine.  I look after myself and always have done and that makes me feel good. I love the wisdom that comes with age and I enjoy the way I look and how I feel about my body. But none of us are immune to the disempowering images, dialogues and myths surrounding women who are approaching their menopausal years.  I am not yet in menopause, I am peri-menopausal, and I could have many more years before I am officially in menopause. So it’s a perfect time to release those misguided, limiting beliefs. 

I am dying to a lot of the old views around how women are supposed to be. I believe that my best years are yet to come.  However, I noticed myself thinking recently about how society has been brainwashed about how women are supposed to decline once they hit menopause – the middle aged spread, the layer of fat, the thinning hair, the brittle skin and dry vagina, hot flushes and general hysteria that is supposed to be a constant unwelcome visitor.  And I have ceremoniously decided to say: “Nope, no thank you not me!” 

As Dr Christianne Northrup, author of the book “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”, said recently: “Beliefs are far more powerful than our biology”.  Beliefs change our biology. That’s often why when a doctor tells a person they only have 6 months to live then if that person wholeheartedly believes this as gospel, then that time frame will mean everything. Because to believe that the medical system and doctors know more about your own body than you do renders you in an infinitely vulnerable powerless position, where you will believe that an outside source can predict your future. So unless you can unplug yourself from that belief then the chances are that your biology will follow your beliefs.

There are many disempowering beliefs that I personally don’t really believe but yet I have in some way absorbed that are like a Chinese whisper that explodes tiny splinters in my head. I have been scouring my back catalogue, the memories that were formed before I had decided who I wanted to be. The historical beliefs of my family, myself and the time I was raised in. The beliefs that all speak the language of lack and constraints, of heavy artillery that I do not want to carry to my future. 

It’s a belief that belongs in the Matrix that speaks of the prison of the mind that shows up in our life as a lack of élan, a lack of embodiment, a lack of energy and a lack of well, just about everything.  And just like in the film we have to choose the red pill and unplug from that consensual reality and break out of the prison of the mind.  Everyone living on our planet has subconsciously absorbed disempowering beliefs about the progression of life, of getting older and of how we are supposed to feel and look as we hurtle toward our eventual death.  Look at the way society treats older people, especially women. We are supposed to be obsolete once we can no longer birth other beings.  Many older people in our society feel ignored and in some perennial state of abandonment.

In shamanism they don’t look at old age the way our modern culture does.  They believe that the majority of people never really know themselves or that they have not forgiven themselves, or others – or even life – and therefore they die in some form of disarray and confusion of the mind. The accumulated baggage that has never been washed, cleaned and ironed.  We literally die of a surfeit of our accumulated shit.  Beliefs that stay buried beneath the surface that keep us plugged into a mass belief system that speaks only of dis-ease and dis-regard at every turn.  The world systems in place don’t want powerful people en-masse. So they keep feeding us morsels that keep us incarcerated in our own constructs. And unfortunately many people of the world have believed this lie as truth.

We are force-fed to believe that getting older is just about the physical.  That it is purely about wrinkles marching dominantly across our face or a battle with the bulge, or the diminishment of our mobility – that our bones and joints will literally crumble in our hands if we are not careful.  Many of us know that this does not have to be the way.  I have known many, many older people who could give any 20 year old a run for their money!

If we disengage from the Matrix we come to see that getting older is more about the focus on freedom; how free do we feel in our lives, in our bodies, in our sexuality, in our creativity, in our minds?

Unplugging ourselves from the Matrix can be sharp and distressing. Especially for some, if their whole lives have been invested in believing the hyperbole and fabrication of those in positions of power and that they must live a limited and modified life in order to be an upstanding citizen.  Any form of death is painful, or at least somewhat uncomfortable.  We have to surrender to something bigger than ourselves, for we don’t have all the answers.  Spirit can orchestrate an array of unexplained and unexpected scenarios our way for good or bad and we don’t yet understand how each one will play out.  It’s our job to be present, to be in full receipt of our consciousness, to monitor our thoughts and our beliefs with the accuracy of a hawk.  To remain unconscious creates unconscious situations in our lives. If we don’t know who we are and how we are plugged into misguided beliefs systems, how can we expect to wrangle ourselves free? 

Death isn’t always pretty but it is always symbolic – emblematic of something far deeper in the workings of our lives and the universe.  There cannot be life without death and vice versa.  We cannot move forward without surrendering ourselves before the path that death will pave for us.  If we haven’t yet died to the limiting parts of ourselves then we cannot really live. Not being dead is not being alive either.  Life and death are of the same thread and it is up to us what we want to weave and create with those threads.  I have my eye on an expansive, multi-dimensional tapestry.  What about you? What will you weave?

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The Body Mingles With The Cosmos

There are many rivers that twist and turn within the estuary of becoming a fully embodied woman.  It is in increments that we heal and become whole.  Sometimes we feel the obvious progress and other times we feel thwarted and stuck.  But one thing is clear: we can never do it without coming back into the body, without feeling connection and love for our own bodies. Not the faux kind of love however, where you proclaim you like the way you look or that you love your body but your behaviour or demeanor says the polar opposite.   

Of course there are many days that we feel so drained or burned out that we don’t have enough energy to even blink, never mind participate in self-care or an ‘embodiment’ practice.  I would say these are the days and times that we need it more than anything, to restructure those neural pathways that have up until now led us to believe that we can just abandon ourselves and our needs just like we feel the world, or others in our world have done to us.  We need to rewire those pathways, where we know that we can be there for ourselves every single day and especially more so when we feel exhausted, lonely or we feel unsupported.  We can learn to embrace ourselves and form an unwaveringly firm foundation with exactly what we need.

I believe the first layer of learning to love ourselves is by coming back into the body.  This sounds easy, but for most of us it is jarringly complex.

What are embodiment practices?

A beautiful way back into our bodies is just to move the body, to stand up and gently sway. To circle your hips, sway your arms with small gentle movements, to feel your body undulate, to feel the joy She feels to just be in the flow, to be given permission to move. Allow the body to convey to you how She wants to move. Movement is the language of the body.  Listen to your body, engage your senses, what do you feel, see, smell and hear?  It doesn’t have to take long and it doesn’t have to be complicated, just gently moving or shaking your body all over and then more vigorously if you feel able to, can have profound effects on how we feel. It can also disengage the fight or flight reflex thus interrupting the stress loop. We tend to over-think self-love and self-care believing that it has to take up all of our energy and time or that it will be very complicated.  It feels a little like being a human snow-globe, the sediments inside having settled causing pain, low energy, anger and grief. Then, by shaking it all up, everything comes alive again. Our cells enliven, we become vibrant again, we drop back into the body and out of our heads and we can move through our feelings without the mind holding on and creating more dramatic scenarios carved by our ego that speak of eternal lack and everything that’s missing from our lives.   

You can also hold one hand over your heart and the other over your womb space and just spend time listening. What is present?  What needs to be addressed? Asking questions such as: What do you need today? What can I do for you? How can I love and appreciate you more?  How can I bring presence and joy into my world today, even if it’s just for a few moments? Breathe into your heart and then feel that energy flowing down into your womb space and pelvis, feel the energy spreading throughout with every in-breath and out-breath, breathe from your womb space, infusing her with love and gratitude for the ways in which she serves you.  In many cultures our creativity is linked to our second chakra, which is located just underneath the bellybutton, the space that births human babies and human projects.  When our creativity is blocked, more often our physical reproductive organs are also not functioning optimally either.  In Tantric philosophy, the womb and cervix are directly linked to the heart.  When our hearts are blocked then more often than not our reproductive organs will be blocked or malfunctioning too, and a whole host of hormonal issues will ensue.  As we open our hearts this has an effect on our womanly organs and our hormonal balance.  Our bodies are apt to give us bold messages in the form of physical pain, discomfort and anxiety so it takes time and patience to really listen to the subtle whispers of the wisdom of our body – She will not be rushed.  But with practice we begin to discern the messages from Her and the ones from our minds or egos. We have to open our hearts to ourselves first.

Moving meditations, or empowered dance sessions, can be a really beautiful way to honour our bodies and begin to build and activate our senses. How often have we partaken in exercise regimes or yoga classes, all the time parading around our minds, grilling ourselves about how we look, or being preoccupied with getting the right moves or steps down pat?  Embodiment is the complete opposite to this. We sense into our bodies to feel where we are holding grief, tension, anger or fear and when we find it we simply allow it to be there, bringing our full presence to it and then accepting it. This is real love. The love of the Self. This is what gentle allowing is, when we can just let our emotions flow, without making them concrete, without making them so overly significant that we become completely inflexible. Our heads will tell us: “Oh you feel like this because so and so did this to you, or so and so left me blah blah blah”. And whilst this is the mechanism of the Mind – to hold on – this is not how the body operates.  The body doesn’t want to hold onto the constructs of the mind, that torture us daily about what we should have in our lives and what a failure we are because we haven’t.  The body just wants and needs to flow, to release in its own way.  If we cannot feel comfortable with moving our bodies then our hearts also have a difficult time remaining open.  Even if you are disabled or have been injured and could only move the end of your finger, or raise your eyebrow, then bringing as much consciousness and presence as you can into that one part would in time have deep lasting effects on how you felt about yourself and your body, no matter how limited it was considered by the rest of the world.

I have talked about embodied self-massage and anointing the body with luxurious oils and unguents in previous posts so I don’t want to repeat myself but the body loves to be touched with presence and love, rather than just slapping our body or face cream on with little mindfulness or presence.  Our bodies love us to really honour it, to honour our faces, our skin and the entire length and breadth of our glorious bodies.  It doesn’t have to take a long time, even just a few minutes of conscious massage can be a wonderful revivifying practice and can help to ground us back into our bodies.

Gratitude

How much gratitude are you willing to have for your body right now?

Our bodies hate it when we judge it, when we tell it it’s not slim or sexy or rounded enough.  Or it’s too old, creaky, saggy or wrinkled.  When we believe we should just cover it up in a black sack so we don’t have to look at it and others don’t have to look at it.  The body loses power and strength when it is ferociously judged. Even so called innocuous statements we tell ourselves about looking tired or that our hair looks shit are registered as an attack.  Everything that is not love the body registers as a blockade to its capacity to flow. The body loves it when we are grateful.  When we can allow gratitude for every single amazing thing it does.  Because for many of us women we can walk, bend, dance, run, jump, produce eggs and birth babies. We can also connect with another body of our choice, and allow our body to give us immense pleasure and joy. Equally importantly, it accompanies us all throughout our journey on this earth, if we are able to connect with it.  Do we ever take time to really feel gratitude for what it does for us?  Gratitude allows us to receive.  Our body wants us to receive it.  To allow it to be the fully sensual being it is. 

Thank your body daily.  Thank it for exactly the way it is now.  If we want to change our bodies then we must first be grateful for it in the here and now.  Our bodies are actually very adaptable to change and working together as a team, we can change it to reflect how we want it look, without pummeling it to the ground with 3hr workouts and plates of lettuce.  But first we must listen to what it needs from us.  It will tell us readily if only we take the time to listen.

Being in ‘right relationship’ with the physical body is the first point on our journey to wholeness.  And the She requires us to be in presence with her daily, not just once in a while, but to show up regularly with our metaphorical lycra poised and ready for action.  She also requires to be fed and watered not by the substances we have forced upon Her but what she is actually whispering to us to feed Her.  How many times have we forced a diet or regime onto our bodies, a raw diet, a vegan diet, a paleo diet, an exclusion diet, without even a conversation within to ask Her what it is she wants to eat or drink? What will make Her thrive?  What will make and keep her balanced and in optimal health? What will help her live a long healthy, vibrant life?  Have we ever even tuned into Her to ask before we took our armfuls of supplements because We believed it would make us well?  For the most part it didn’t. In our learned arrogance to command dominion over our bodies we have forfeited the deep, abiding wisdom within our bodies.  Our bodies can never lie, if they are not happy, they will constantly relay this to us over and over again in the hope we will listen. I know I have enforced diets and regimes many, many times on my poor body and suffered the dire consequences of further imbalance and diminished energy because I thought I was knowledgeable about what I should be filling Her with.  I loaded Her with the best superfoods and super this and super that and none of it made Her happy – in fact most of it made Her sick.  Even if we have intolerances and can’t eat this or that, we can still check in and ask questions: What would it take to heal this?  Sometimes the body might want to go on a cleanse for a short while to rebalance but unless we ask we cannot assume that we know best or that anyone else knows best about our bodies. These are subtle forms of abuse that we do daily to our bodies because we believe we are clever and that we can command the body to do whatever we want it to do.  To be an empowered and embodied woman we must begin to learn to listen to the messages She is trying to communicate to us through our senses, emotions, or through any pains or niggles we have.   There is so much pleasure within our bodies just awaiting us to activate it.  And what if instead of pursuing the loops of endless chatter in our heads that speaks to us in anxious monotones about inexorable lack and disappointment, we got up and moved our bodies and dropped back into our feet, our hands, our pelvises and legs?  It would make the body happy and therefore at least some of our tension would melt.

Ask your body what exercise She wants to do.  You might find it changes from day to day.  Some days She might want to really ramp it up and other days She might prefer a more gentle form.  If you force exercise or an intense workout repeatedly onto your body without checking in first, She will eventually revolt in some way. You may get sick, you may get an injury, you might become plagued with low energy.

There are a lot of meditation practices that I call ‘masculine led’ because they teach us to leave the body, leave the mind, and that we have to transcend the physical to get to the divine.  I believe the opposite is true – that it’s through the body, the sensuality of our bodies, that is the bridge to the divine. This, I believe, is the path of the divine feminine. The divine is abstract,  ‘the out there’ is incomprehensible, it is ineffable.  But through the ‘in there’ we can began to slow down, to mute some of the mortal chaos we endure as part of our daily lives that tell us we must be this and we must be that. We can feel the divinity of our own bodies.  We have to tear down the mental scaffolding that we have erected that keep us from being in the body.  We are not meant to be disconnected from our bodies.  We are meant to luxuriate in the way the sun caresses our skin, the way the water dances off our bodies in the shower, the way our feet feel in our shoes or on the bare earth, the way our spine feels when we bend, the subtle sound our bodies make when they are in motion.  There are so many beautiful pleasures we miss out on when we are not in our bodies. 

We are hardwired for pleasure and joy.  We are sensual beings.  Being a vibrant woman, switched on and turned on to life itself is our birthright. We are not meant to be dull, tired, with our soul bloated from the excess of pain just sitting beneath the surface of our inner lake.  Dragging our bodies around from one situation or pursuit to another without any presence can increase our anxiety levels and chip away at our low self-worth.

Whenever I meditate or dance or move I allow myself to come back into the body – I feel my spine, my skull and everything in between. This is my entry point to my connection with divinity. I don’t follow anything that requires me to leave my body consistently. The body is our anchor. Our roots go deep into the earth through our core and deep into the cosmos through our crown chakra.  We are the cosmos and the cosmos is within us.  Our body mingles with the cosmos in every single moment. Enjoy being here and now in this amazing body – it is your divine birthright.

https://www.instagram.com/lunabellatahni/?hl=en (check me out on instagram)!

Unruly Spirit

 

As a teenager and in my early twenties I was the archetypal ‘wild child’.  Rebellion was my only true friend and we clung onto one another for dear life. I was a defiant, mutinous individual who was angry at the world and herself and there was no way I was ever going to take the advice of another, whether it was right or wrong.

I remember in one of my many office jobs, my manager was perpetually wringing his hands in mild desperation at my ungovernable ways. I just couldn’t help it and more importantly didn’t want to. He used to say: “I was the most unmanageable person he had ever managed!” He meant it as a compliment because I challenged him in a good way and he often had no idea what to do with me or how to handle me.  I was never a rude, aggressive or a thoughtless employee – I was a great team player and being kind and respectful is important to me – but yes I do find it difficult with imposed rules, especially if I see no sense or benefit in them.  I was and always have danced to the beat of my own drum.  Being an ‘only child’ meant it was a lone path that was formed in my honour and one that I didn’t question. I trundled along it with gusto, happy to be master of my own destiny.

Rebellion is often romanticized to the point of exhaustion. And sometimes we believe that it is relegated to the few artistic individuals who have forged their own path out in the world amassing wonderful success and notoriety but that it’s not for the ‘normal folk’. We will just vicariously live through others fancy footwork and hopefully just gaze wistfully at the trail they have left behind.  We often wish we could be braver and bolder in our lives to break out of that self-imposed casing.  Society tries to make us all the same so that it can govern us, manipulate and enforce the views of the few in power onto the perceptive vision of the ungovernable among us. Little do they know we don’t acquiesce easily.

There is a dark and a light side to rebellion.  To a Rebel any form of restriction can feel hellishly like being plunged into a straitjacket.  Even things that we know are good for us can feel imposed, like life is pinching off our life force at the source.  There is often a huge gulf between discipline and rebellion.  It’s either one or the other.  But really is it that simple.  Can’t we be both?  Can’t we be disciplined and rebellious?  I’ve never understood why we can’t straddle both polarities.  Why are people so desperate to put us on an index card and file us away?  Why can’t we be a polite rebel?  Or a kind-hearted raging Rock chick, or a glamorous spiritual healer with a penchant for pink stripper shoes!  There are so many possibilities and variations.  We are so much more than others would have us believe.

We all have a collection of different parts or characters within us that are waiting for the right music to bust out their moves and express themselves.

Like many of us, throughout my whole life people have tried to define me, to put me in a box and shut the lid tight.  Any contradictions were met with hostility or blinkered disregard, or sharp and stony envy.  The amount of times I’ve heard the phrase: “Well that’s not very spiritual”.  As if I should be levitating out of my stripper shoes, fingers positioned in a mudra, sipping fermented yaks milk, whilst reciting Rumi on a loop.  It’s so amusing and also irritating to have such a slim set of parameters set by others about how or how not we should be.

And also this can automatically trigger the Rebel. We have the ‘middle finger’ constantly poised in our mind’s eye at such damnable limitations!  What an offence to the very fabric of our existence – we think.  And the rebel goes “oh who gives a fuck anyway, they are the limited ones”.  Of course the ego often loves the rebel because the rebel is often tainted with a history of alienation, innate disappointment in others and abandonment issues. The rebel has perpetually been misunderstood and thrown brutally against the margins of society.   It can be a messy default setting that sets us further apart from life and others.  This is not a life enhancing form of rebellion, doing things because we feel unconnected to ourselves or others.  I know I spent a large proportion of my life feeling misunderstood and on the sidelines of life, operating from a deviant perception of the world around me.  The beliefs that taught me that I was not acceptable or that I was too much for the world I lived in. This is not an enriching set of guidelines to outline our character by, or paint our lives with.

How do we make a conscious Rebel?  Or make the Rebel conscious?  Make her mindful and thoughtful – yet thought provoking – and above all how do we make her work for us?  We were all born equal but not all of us are on an equal footing, due to lack of consciousness, muddled belief and thinking systems, unprocessed and unresolved past matters that still run riot in our mental corridors. I believe to make anything work for us it must come out of the cellar and stand on the same flooring as us.  We have to be conscious and aware of its motives and the plan it has for us.  And the two must coalesce.

How do we step out of the confined margins inked by others?  It’s not about achieving some desired external greatness but about achieving some desired internal greatness because that’s available to all of us, no matter who we are, where we’ve been and where we come from.

If there are situations or things we need to do that we are not doing, for example giving up bad habits, or staying in situations that are one dimensional and that are not life enhancing or self-love promoting, then our inner rebel is self-sabotaging us or she’s gone deep undercover and we might need to become a detective to smoke her out.

Sometimes we have to go into the muddy waters and bring her up from the depths.  And sometimes we have to dampen her fierce, biting diatribes that urge us to leave others behind and stomp off into the sunset, smarting and alone.  We have to know when and where she will be best suited.  If we let her the Rebel is intensely and exquisitely loyal, she will stand by us no matter what.  She will raise the dead if we will only let her.  She will forge ahead even when we are reluctant, fearful or doubtful.  Being a rebel doesn’t mean we will be devoid of fear, but that we can use that fear as fodder to propel us where we need to go.  That little bit of extra Duracell fuel to keep all the plates spinning and the markers of our life wider and more expansive.

The world needs rebels.  We need the right mix of rebels.  The conscious Rebels have a finely tuned bullshit detector, they know where to put their energy and that not every situation or person is worth investing their time and energy into. They are discerning, wildly instinctual and they guard their creativity with the fervour of a rabid dog.  The conscious Rebel has high standards and puts every heart cell into their soul art.  Conscious Rebels bulldoze through boundaries and overcoming personal limitations is paramount to achieving forward movement.  Everyone can embody the Rebels energy to use as we see fit and that is in congruence with our values and beliefs.  It need not be dramatic and explosive – it can be a slight and subtle shift towards wholeness.  Even small moments of choosing not to allow others to define us or diminish us can bring a surge of power in our lives.  It’s often the small details that slowly build into a bigger pool of dominion.

The Rebel likes to say no but what some don’t realise is that she also likes to say yes.  She likes to engage with life, to be present and vital, keeping her reserves fully polished, at the starting block for when we might need to sprint, the added stamina to pursue a goal without flagging or giving up.  She also likes to have fun, to dance in life’s rhythm but with her own notes and orchestral arrangement.  She is also kind, thoughtful and yes, even polite.  A rebel can have manners too – she doesn’t have to club people over the head with her views and opinions, or only maybe once in a while!!  She can talk with confidence on what she believes in and if others don’t believe the same it does not threaten her own sense of value.

I love my rebel and I wouldn’t be without her but sometimes I need to keep her in check. The Rebel needs a certain amount of order, even if she hates it. I can’t achieve anything in a maelstrom of chaos.  The trick is to work together in synchronicity, neither one dominates the other. I realise when she is acting up that I need to take time to understand her motives and what she needs from me.  What will keep her happy and therefore keep me happy.  Sometimes the inner rebel is beyond tired, she just wants to kick back her heels and sit on her bum and recharge and when I let her she will often tell me how much she needed that and then she’s off into the next realm of personal revolution that is cultivating inside me.

Sometimes the rebellious spirit does have to stand alone, tending to the gravitational pulls inside of her but she is not lonely, this is just what needs to be done.  The work is done alone and we can re-group with others to share around the metaphorical campfire our stories about overcoming our struggles, understanding ourselves and opening our hearts. 

Osho once said that creativity is the greatest rebellion in history.  So I urge you to stoke those creative fires and keep a light under those dreams.  The ones that speak of a desire to make the world a better place, to spread light into every corner and especially where it is needed most.  Our world needs conscious rebels of all kinds, shapes, colours and sounds.  Don’t mute the Rebel, she has some interesting truths to tell you if you are brave enough to listen without judgment and then follow through with her precise wisdom.  Feed her, water her, keep her warm and above all keep her curious, we don’t stay curious by doing the same things over and over, we stay curious by leaving our comfort zones and setting the world alight with our creative fires.  Even if people don’t like us or what we do, they don’t get to define us. It’s our choice.  We get to decide who we want to be and what we want to bring to the world, no matter how small we feel our contributions might be.

 We were all born original so don’t let society turn us into a photocopy. 

https://www.instagram.com/lunabellatahni/?hl=en

The Beauty in the Ugliness.

I am immersed in a boundless gratitude for everything I have experienced thus far in my life. I have thought about all the challenges and horrors I’ve endured and how much wisdom and depth I’ve acquired and how deeply grateful I feel for every ounce of knowing and wisdom I’ve absorbed and attained. Yes, it was hard won but it’s still a celebration. Of course I haven’t always felt like this. In the past I bemoaned and blamed my life on those perpetrators that I believed had fucked it up, or the things within myself that were blocking my way to happiness. But that was a huge folly and there have been many times in my life when I have felt such amazing warmth and openness about everything I’ve faced.  Anytime we face anything head on it is a celebratory affair.  These are my celebrations. 

Thank you for all the times I felt alone, misunderstood and abandoned. Thank you for being an only child who was left alone to her own devices, who had to keep so much to herself.  I learnt autonomy and independence, I learnt it was okay to be self-governed.  I learnt to craft a space within where I was allowed to exist.

Thank you to all the times I hurt and abused myself. Every time I cut myself with razorblades, binged myself until I threw up, starved myself until I fainted, drank too much, smoked too much, took too many drugs and ended up in many uncompromising situations. For the time I thrust my hand into a broken glass just because I only knew how to unleash pain and anger onto myself. I learnt to cultivate unwavering self-belief and I learnt that I have a warrior heart that can withstand things that might have destroyed many.

Thank you to my father for abandoning me from birth. Thank you for your lack of absence in my development and in my life. I learnt to forgive you many, many years ago. I learnt that you couldn’t be there for me because you were forbidden to see me. I learnt that I didn’t have any more space left for more dysfunction so I chose not to find you.  I learnt that it was okay to never have met one another, that it was okay that you didn’t ever try to find me. I learnt it wouldn’t have made any difference.  I learnt that in many ways I was the lucky one, I only had to deal with one set of family and that was enough. I learnt that I could have compassion for you and your journey.  I learnt that perhaps not seeing me and being my father might have had a challenging effect on you and your life.

Thank you for all the times my self-hatred nearly crippled me. For all the unforgivable things I said and did to myself. For the times I believed that I was fat, ugly and worthless. For all the times that I felt I was damaged, that I wasn’t good enough and that no one would ever love me. I learnt that I am lovable no matter what, that I can be my greatest ally and above all I am finally learning to love myself and it is so beautiful.

Thank you to all the times I acted out of spite, cruelty, lack of integrity, when I blamed everyone else, when I made mistakes. For the things I said and did to others that were not who I was but who I thought I was. I learnt that what we believe about ourselves is not the full picture.  I learnt that I did these things out of fear and I took responsibility for myself, owning all of my experiences, in order to change and grow into the person I wanted to be.

Thank you to all the terror that accompanied my childhood. I thought the fear would kill me. I never felt safe. I had to have eyes in the back of my head.  I learnt to be a master at reading body language in an almost psychic way so I could know when the next attack would come.  I learnt to go mining, to excavate the deep, dark places of myself and come out the other side.  I learnt that things are not always as they seem, that we always have the ability to transcend anything that we experience no matter how seemingly hopeless it is.

Thank you to all the times that physical harm was placed upon and inside my young body, for the blood that seeped from wounds which others inflicted upon me. For all the blood that was spilled. I am grateful for the scars that still show on my body because I learnt that no matter what anyone does to us that we are only victims when we give others the power to diminish our light, our gifts and our dreams. I learnt there is no power in being a victim. 

Thank you to all the times my young body was invaded, stealing my innocence before I knew what it was for and leaving only shards in its place. For all the shame they left within the soft, fertile places of my femininity. Thank you for all the physical pain they put me through. This has been my hardest lesson and my greatest growth. I learnt that the abuser is always the abused and I learnt to forgive those in question and set myself free to be who I was always meant to be. I learnt that forgiveness is powerful and we don’t do it for the other person we do it ultimately for ourselves.

Thank you to all the times I felt numb, closed down, out of my body, shut off from my heart space, for all the times it was the only way to survive the brutality.  I learnt that angels come in many shapes and forms and there is always a light to follow no matter how faint even when everything around you is black.

Thank you to all the times I was told I was ugly, stupid, and worthless, for calling me a slut before I’d even had any consensual sexual experience, for saying that I would never amount to anything in life. Thank you for all the harsh words that have been spoken by family, friends and strangers. I learnt that I am everything, that I am a river of potential of intelligence, beauty, compassion, joy and forgiveness and much more. I learnt that to believe what others say about us is not the truth about who we are, it’s really what they believe about themselves.

Thank you to all the times I let men into my bed, my mind, my heart and my vagina that did not and could not honour those parts of me.  They were not bad, I was not bad, we didn’t yet know about love, we were simply lost and abandoned. I learnt that my heart and my vagina are sacred and that when I found love, the right man would hold me when I was falling apart, support me when I was lost and more importantly allow me to change and grow without stifling me. I learnt about myself through the love of another, through all the hard times and even more so through all the amazing times. 

Thank you to all the times I didn’t show up for myself, stand up for myself, when I didn’t allow myself to shine, when I took the easy route of dumbing myself down, quieting and muting myself. I learnt that it can often feel worse to feel pain for something we didn’t do. I learnt I don’t like feeling like this

Thank you to all the times I was brave and did show up for myself, when I did allow myself to shine, when I did stand up for myself and speak out, I learnt that the world doesn’t end when you speak your truth, that even if people lambaste or misinterpret you, it only matters how you feel about yourself.

Thank you to all the times people didn’t listen to me, couldn’t hear me fully, ignored me, disregarded me, treated me as if I was an endless tap. I learnt to let go, I learnt to form a relationship with myself and begin to become my own friend. I learnt it is the most important relationship we can have.

Thank you to all the times I felt I wasn’t enough, I felt inadequate and inferior, that people would see the truth about who I was, that they would see I was somehow inherently bad inside.  I learnt this was just a big fat lie, that I am more than enough and that even when I forget I try to remember I have nothing to prove, not even to myself.

Thank you to all the times I felt I was fundamentally bad because I had allowed others actions to define me. I learnt that this is classic psychology that when a child is hurt they blame themselves, they believe it happened because they are bad because they deserve to be punished.  I learnt that I am NOT bad, that I can be bad if I choose to but I am not fundamentally bad.  I learnt that my past doesn’t define who I am.

Thank you to all the times I didn’t listen to others warnings, to others advice, to all the times I rebelled. I learnt to push boundaries and not settle for the small world sealed by others. I learnt that I actually do know what’s best for me, that I have strong intuition. I learnt that if I listen to myself fully from an open heart that I can never go wrong.

Thank you to all the times I felt I was too much, that my baggage was too much, for all the secrets I had to keep because I felt it would swamp others.  I learnt that you don’t have to try to protect others and that the right people will take off their boots and wade in the mud and shit with you. 

Thank you to all the times I was bursting with joy, laugher and mischief. I learnt that I love to play, that it is my right to enjoy my life in whatever way I see fit. I learnt that I don’t have to be miserable because others are miserable. I learnt it is okay to be happy even when others are not.

Thank you for all the kindness and support I have been shown from others. I learnt that I do deserve assistance and that not all people are out to hurt or put me down.  I learnt that there are many angels in the world in living form.

Thank you to all the jobs I’ve ever done that have not treated me with the respect and value I deserve. Thank you to all the employers that have mistreated me, shouted at me, undermined me, and treated me like I was dim and worthless.   I learnt that it’s an inside job, I didn’t value and honour myself so they just reflected that back to me.

Thank you for all the times I don’t and didn’t have all the answers.  Thank you to all the times I felt responsible for others, for my family or friends. I learn that it’s okay not to know everything and that to be a good person I don’t have to take on the pain of others.  I learnt this doesn’t really help them.

Thank you to all the needy, emotionally greedy people I’ve met, who had a ferocious sense of entitlement, who demanded I fix, nurture, heal, and ultimately provide them with what they wanted.  I learnt so much from you, that it is okay to focus on myself, even if people say I’m selfish for finally putting myself first.  You showed me through excessive demands that there is balance and a harmony out there that we all must find that shows us our expectations of others can be our downfall and our uprising and that when don’t hold on so tight, when we can let go, then life is free to flow with us, providing us with what we need.

Thank you to all the anger and rage. I used to think you were the hardest, most brutal teacher. I didn’t always want to see you. I often chose to ignore you but I saw that you could actually be an ally. You show me where my boundaries are and what I must pay attention to, what must be changed. I learnt that it’s okay to say no, that it’s okay to not be liked by everyone, that the good girl in me doesn’t always serve my highest good.  I learnt that it’s okay to not have to be all sweetness and light, that this is not always appropriate.  I learnt that anger and rage when you meet it at the edge, offer many gifts and insight. I learnt that anger can be creative, that it is a force that holds tremendous creative potential and that when pushed down or muted holds the potential for great catastrophe, numbness and misery in one’s life.  I learnt to honour you anger and I’m glad I did.

Thank you to the gift of potential, for not knowing what the great mystery of life might offer us, for not knowing what signpost will appear next and where it will appear.  Thank you for the beauty of the unknown, that ultimately we are never really in full control, we only think we are.  Thank you for surrender and relinquishing control and allowing things to unfold in the perfect way, for knowing when we need help and when we can do it ourselves.  I learnt that sometimes we need intervention, that struggling by on our own, no matter how much wisdom or depth we have is not the most beneficial strategy for our lives.  Sometimes we need to reach out and say I can’t do this on my own. I have learnt that this is not weak, that there are many talented people that can assist us on our journey to greater levels of freedom and joy.

Thank you to my vulnerability and my frailties. I learnt it is okay to be sensitive, to feel things deeply and acutely. I learnt that it forms compassion when you can feel what someone else is feeling, it fosters connection. I learnt that even though I believed it was a curse to feel others pain from such an early age, that it’s a gift but that I don’t have to be an open box.  I learnt that my tears are celebration of my feeling nature, that if I didn’t have tears I would be dead inside but yet I don’t have to let others hang their woes upon me. I learnt its okay to feel and then let it go because it’s not mine.

Thank you to all the people who could never really see me. Thank you to the person I met once on a shamanic retreat in Devon who actually said the words “I really see you” to me. That wonderful lady allowed me to be witnessed in ways that were beyond my limited comprehension, a sacred space opened up and I was a single player defined, yet also part of the whole.  I am eternally grateful to her. I learned that above all I have to see and witness myself over and over again. I learned that I am okay just as I am and that by searching and grasping endlessly just confirmed that I wasn’t enough.  I learned that it’s okay to want things, to want to achieve things – that is a wonderful reflection of shining my light out in the world – but that ultimately I am more than enough as I am, even if I didn’t lift another finger to improve or expand myself that I would be more than enough that the universe loves me anyway, whatever achievements I do or don’t have.

Thank you for all the times I prostituted myself, not literally but figuratively and metaphorically speaking. Thank you for all the times I had to do things I didn’t want to, that made me feel uncomfortable, degraded, that made me feel less than, that made me feel like an object and not a person.  I learnt that we prostitute our energy in many ways and that whenever we do things that devalue us or undermine us we are selling ourselves short, we are debasing ourselves and it has a huge impact on our self-esteem. I learnt over and over again I don’t like feeling like an object, or just a pair of breasts because that constantly undermines me. I learnt that I can value myself and that even if someone tries to objectify me that it says more about them than about me. I learnt to express myself, although it’s still an ongoing journey to deeper and deeper levels of allowing myself to be seen.

Thank you for my sacred sexuality for being a sexual woman and leaving behind the shame I inherited from my family about my body and my right for pleasure. I learnt that my sacred sexuality is a journey I am embarking on that connects and supports me more fully to myself and my partner and opening me up to the ineffable force within and around me.

Thank you for all my light and all my dark.  I learnt that you cannot have one without the other. I learnt that I don’t have to be embarrassed or contrite about my depth as a person.  That I’ve worked so hard on myself and come out the other side a better, more whole person. I learnt that when we can face our darkness, our deepest abiding pain and embrace the Hero’s journey, we then become our own hero. It feels like coming back from an ancient battle where everything appears brighter because we know we are truly alive, we are here on this earth for however long we have left.  We chose not to take for granted the joy and gifts available to us.  I’ve learnt that Life can be our friend that we must meet it and look it square in the eye and say “Here I am, here is all of me”. 

Thank you for reading this. I feel it is now the right time to express myself more fully, to be seen more fully for who I am.  I have been through so much pain and trauma and although I have gained infinite wisdom from my past which is beautiful I now realise my past doesn’t define me. I have and continue to meet any remaining wounds exactly where they are so we can move forward together.  I’m at a stage where I can see with pride and gratitude just how far I’ve come and what a powerful warrior I am.  My hope is that you too will also see just how far you have come, that you can stop for a moment and really, truly acknowledge yourself.  We are stronger than we realise. But we only become stronger by facing ourselves and our past.

What would be on your list? 

Please feel free to write in or just write your own list of things you have learnt from your deepest pain and difficulties. 

We are not alone we need to remember this, even when we are surrounded by people we can often still feel alone. If we can be there for ourselves first and foremost I feel sure that the right people and situations show up just when we need them.  Life is always listening it’s up to us what we want to tell it.

http://www.instagram.com/lunabellatahni/?hl=en    check it out I’ve just become more technological! 

Persephone’s Eye

I am in a crack between the worlds.  The tissue from inside my uterus is preparing to shed its skin and lifeblood will be advancing at any given moment.  The whispers from the un-met places within become bolder and louder.  Just like me they are rebellious, they refuse to stay silent.  I know only too well what beckons me.  I seek counsel with the Goddess of the Underworld. Persephone has been gesturing for me to make the descent into her domain for days now.  She knows me and I know her.  She is an old advisor and she isn’t always hospitable.  She knows what layers must be unfolded and what implements I must use to achieve this.

I am for the most part so deliciously happy that I sometimes forget that there are deeper mysteries and profound wisdom that edge into my consciousness and requires light, air and water. They nudge me, lightly at first and then they embolden themselves, scratching me, digging long, sharp claws into my belly, until I am finally prepared to listen to the revealing truths of my existence.  

I think I know myself, yet the enigma laughs at me.  I am but a child to it, a youngling of the universe. I am an old soul but in its eyes I have only just begun and I have so much more to learn.

Persephone meets me in the sacred space within. We face one another, her eyes are piercing and solemn but I see compassion and unconditional love.  This love is boreing directly into my heart, it is not a soft fluffy love, it is meticulous and elegantly thorny. At times she looks right through me. She tells me a story of a broken child that searched the universe high and low to find the right materials to paste themselves back to their original form.  She tells me that the child couldn’t always see the torch that was in front of her, the many unseen hands that were holding her up and at times carrying her on their backs.  The child was without eyes, she only knew of loss and fractures, splinters and grief. 

Persephone tells me that the child was strong, intuitive and resourceful.  She tells me that the child grew into a young woman and that the twists and turns of her fate left her bludgeoned with her soul fragmented off into far off dimensions.  She became a scapegoat because her sensitive nature did not conform to the status quo. Others were repelled by this and thus the hammer fell. 

I tell her I know of what she speaks, for it is now in the long drawn out corridors of my mind.  My memories are tangled like strands of hair, each one standing next to the other, some have faded into the ether, some are at peace and some are still frayed and awaiting re-stitching.

I tell her of all the dreams I had that I hoped one day would come true.  Some have and some have not.  I tell her that I am happy that I made the right choice not to birth a physical child into the world.  I tell her that I have been a mother since before I knew what that role meant.  I tell her of the vulnerable souls that I have held and shielded from harm.  She knows I know that I did not truly help them and that I did it because I could not say no, I did not know my own boundaries, that I was too easily swallowed by the chains of guilt that I was fed from an early age. She reminds me that others could see this in me. That I was an open space they could dump their rubbish into.

She tells me she knows that if my life had been different I would have birthed a child. That had my heart not been decimated by those in my life, that had I not been thrust into the unending darkness that baring a child would have brought me much joy, purpose and growth. I tell her that I never wanted a child – not in this life.  But I know I could have, if the circumstances had been more benevolent. 

I tell her I have ached to find the right expression for my talents and skills that I have diminished myself many times by not stepping out from beneath the mantle of the master and servant role.  I tell her that I have infinitely more to give, that I am a person who has so much to say about life and some of its contents yet I am often curtailed from expressing that. Others needs often sting and assail me. I know that I am so fundamentally different from most around me that I fear revealing the true depths of my heart, mind and knowledge because I know others will not and do not understand. I tell her I often feel sequestered because of this.  I tell her that I have never been a follower and I only know how to follow my own inner beat. I tell her I was never made to follow anything other than what my own wisdom dictates. She smiles and I see the flickers of discernment in her pupils.

Persephone tells me that there are many paths our lives could have taken, many parallels that could have played out, many what if’s and that true peace comes from honouring the truth. She tells me that the emotions felt when one’s expectations are not met, even if our lives are filled with gratitude about what we have and what we have worked so hard for, are the ones that must be confronted. There is a noble place within created to respect the things that did not come to pass, a sadness that must be faced and then recycled into a more applicable form.

She tells me we must have a willingness to look into the face of the low drone of our disappointments and the decisions we made or felt we made out of hopelessness or duress.  She speaks to me about the need for lack of blame, from the dissolution of victimhood.  We were all victims of something or someone once but there is no power in that.  She knows I know this but she also knows it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that victimhood can play out in very subtle forms.  That anytime we do not embrace our power out of fear or denial we slide into that old familiar girdle of being a victim and it keeps us bound and breathless and cuts us off from our own dominion.   

Persephone knows my life has been bloody, a seeping conundrum that broke the white horses saddle.  She knows that I got up from the mud and the grit time and time again just like many of us, that bones mended and torn skin healed and although I often stood on the sidelines looking in, unsure if life would welcome me, I knew with determination and resolve I would try my best to claim the life I wanted so badly.

She asks me if I can receive my power directly into my core if I can renounce the often ‘too nice’ parts of my being – the maiden within me that is compliant and too eager to please? That I can give to others without giving away the biggest parts of myself.  That even if my face looks younger than it actually is I can still carry myself astride the wild horses of the ebony forest with the wisdom of the ages tattooed in my eyes. That even if I don’t always feel safe that I don’t need to barter away my worth to be liked or accepted.  Or spend time with people who don’t see the wild horses that roam around my inner plains, that they can never know that wild animals don’t need to be captured they just need to feel the wind on their backs and the earth at their feet.    

I tell Persephone it is time to ascend back to the middle world which is the place my earthly dreams float in, some of which are connected to me and some of which aren’t. They are exotic particles shimmering through time and space, perhaps on a journey toward me, should the conditions be right.  I thank her for bearing witness, for reflecting the eye of perception and experience unswervingly into my own.  She hands me something and puts her hand on my heart. I come back to my world with the gift of the goddess inside me. I look at the note she has written and it says:

 “Unite the dark and the light sides of the Goddess within and always remember that a strong attachment to the Light casts a very dark shadow indeed.”

Until we meet again.

Well endowed Corpus Callosum

The Corpus Callosum is a broad band of nerve fibers joining the two hemispheres of the brain. This bundle of nerve tissue contains over 200 million axons (nerve fibers that carry electrical impulses from neurons’ cell bodies). This neural tissue facilitates communication between the two sides of the brain.

The Corpus Callosum is the largest collection of white matter within the brain, and women have a much thicker Corpus Callosum.

What does this mean?

Well quite simply it means that women can switch back and forth with greater ease from the rational left brain to the intuitive right brain.  Men have smaller or fewer nerves in the Corpus Callosum so they tend to be more focused on one hemisphere or the other.  Whereas with a lot of women we can dance and sashay, high kick and fox trot from one side to the other with elegance and ease.

I discovered this interesting fact way back in the mid nineties when I read a fascinating and insightful book on the Triune Brain Theory.  It made perfect and eloquent sense to me. This was also around about the time I met my life long love and one of the first things he said to me was that he believed “women are far more intelligent and superior than men”.

We need the masculine in the world – that is specifically the healed masculine. We need complete and powerful males who can be the protectors and caretakers of our planet.  Men also have wonderfully sharp and astute brains – I live with one such man and it is a joy to converse and meet at the overpass of the intellect and flesh out opinions, theories and ideologies and we do this frequently. 

There are many forms of intelligence and emotional intelligence is one of the most important ones as far as I’m concerned, but often widely ignored or diminished.  We can have all the intellectual genius in the world but if we do not have intra-personal intelligence life is insubstantial and incomplete.

Left brain dominance has caused most of our historical and modern conflicts.  The desire ‘to get’ rather than ‘to be’ is rife throughout our human archives.  I believe whole intelligence is about straddling the gamut of our multi-layers.  According to some experts we have nine forms of intelligence from existential intelligence to naturalistic intelligence, musical intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, body- kinesthetic intelligence to more widely accepted forms like linguistic intelligence, spatial and logical intelligence. 

So in my experience the wonderful Goddess Teachers I have been fortunate enough to study under and along side are holistically intelligent women who do exceedingly well at being emotionally aware. They are also adept at tracking for unresolved conflict within themselves, really searching for the remaining vestiges of fear and arctic chunks of ice that are ceasing forward movement and growth.  And then they follow through with assertion and courage and sheer intellectual prowess to problem solve and to create opportunities, manifesting their dreams instead of sitting around waiting for life to hand them their dreams on a hand embroidered platter.  It rarely works like this. We have to be co-creators. Life requires us to meet it in the middle, to forge our own path and do the necessary work to go out into the world and create our dreams, even if people say it is impossible.

From a very early age I always had a sharp and natural cleverness and could do most things before anyone else in my class or the same age as me but within the community I was crafted from it was not acceptable to be clever, to stand out and shine for your natural brilliance.  I was also wildly creative – like most children I was plugged into the fertile inspiration that surrounded me and was able to pick fruit from its branches whenever I chose. It is every child’s natural state.   So back then I was able to soar from one side of my brain to the other seamlessly with no straining or jostling. To excel at the three R’s in one breath and then hop straight to singing, dancing and painting in the other.

From my mid twenties onwards I set up tent in the self-development and healing field, scouring and gouging the under belly of my past and my traumas. This was absolutely necessary and I wouldn’t be where I am today without this.  But I realise now that this still didn’t make me balanced. I was missing my intellectual margins.

I have a very scientific brain and if I could be a scientist or a quantum physicist right now I would.  Instead I jokingly say ‘I will be a scientist in the next life for sure’. I’ve already put my application form in.  Science is my passion and I would go as far as to say it is my life.  It is my viaduct between expansion and understanding. Science has helped me balance myself out, allowing my left brain to find its articulation, its stamina and efficiency.  I’ve always been an explorer of theory and exposition.  Quietly researching, collating, gathering facts and information on everything, it’s mostly how I’ve amassed so much knowledge about the things that fascinate and stimulate me. I’ve always needed to know exactly how things work.  I think that’s why in my early 20s I jumped full throttle into the health field, learning as much as I could about exactly what herbs, foods, supplements, exercise, meditation and so forth did to our human bodies. It was no good telling me I needed to take such and such a supplement or use this on my body or do this to my mind – I needed to know exactly what that would do and how it would do it.  I’ve always been the same. I love having a curious mind. 

Embracing my intellectual side has brought me so much joy.  I am very gratified and contented with my brain nestled into a science book or publication. I find out a lot about life through science, particularly those brilliant and insightful scientists bridging the gap between science and spirituality such as Candace Pert PhD, Greg Braden PhD and a Developmental Biologist called Bruce Lipton PhD, who is best known for promoting the idea that genes and DNA can be manipulated by a person’s beliefs – a science called epigenetics. These scientists are my heroes, creating change and a new paradigm of thinking around exactly what is possible for us and how powerful we are when we can harness that power. 

All throughout my life I have been labelled as ‘stupid’ – many people did it out of curtailing any notions of flying above my station.  It’s interesting though because I did become much less intelligent than I naturally was.  I learned early on that it was dangerous to be too bright so I dimmed that light out of fear. Also trauma and intense stress related episodes/events are known to cause structural changes in the brain, affecting memory, cognisance, speech, ability to accept change, even change for the better and our creative potential often gallops off underground. And fear or intense disregard of one’s life takes centre stage. This was the model I operated from. 

By my late teens, I had long left behind my smartness, with little interest in anything beyond ‘getting off my face’ with everything I could possibly get my hands on.  I definitely wasn’t functioning optimally – if I ever really had.  My whole life had been one arduous stress episode.  I did become simple minded, a monomaniac who’s only interest was in getting wasted. I had several friends and dalliances in my late teens/early twenties who reflected back to me that they thought I was dim – funny and rebellious, yes – yet somewhat overcast intellectually to put it politely. I think for the most part I did appear that way, with a brain being addled by recreational substances, alcohol and shit food.  Everything was subterranean, stuffed into containers and drawers in a Cimmerian Cavern.  I was barely walking the earth, never mind activating my brain power.

How often do we contemplate our beautiful brains and minds?

What will it take for it to perform optimally?  Many people think our brains are set in stone, but in fact our lifestyles and life circumstances always affect that three-pound organ in our head.  Neuroplasticity is a relatively new discovery stating that the brain has the ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections throughout our lives. Neuroplasticity allows the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust their activities in response to new situations or to changes in their environment. By prioritising the calming of our busy brains and minds we allow for new neural pathways to form, not just bringing us a calmer state but also a more balanced and intelligent state.

We can and do get more intelligent as we get older if we give our brain the right conditions to flourish, not just with foods.  There are many wonderful medical doctors like Dr Daniel Amen and Dr Joseph Mercola who have done years of research on the effects of sugar and high carbohydrates on the brain and how they can actually make us stupid, by dulling not just our senses but our intelligence. A study on mice, published in the journal Neuroscience, revealed that a high-sugar diet leads to changes in gut bacteria that were in turn related to a significant loss of cognitive flexibility, which is a measure of your brain’s ability to adapt to changing situations. 

Impairments in both long-term and short-term memory were also noted.  After four weeks of consuming excess amounts of sugar, the mice performed poorly on a variety of tests related to mental and physical function when compared to mice fed a normal diet. Furthermore, an analysis of the mice microbiome revealed that an imbalance of bacteria in the guts of the high-sugar mice directly correlated with their poor performance on tests of cognitive flexibility. 

Also we affect our brains by removing and/or eliminating stressors in our life, relieving past traumas and disengaging our amygdala. The amygdala is from the Greek word for almond, it controls autonomic responses associated with fear, arousal, and emotional stimulation and has been linked to neuropsychiatric disorders, such as anxiety disorder and social phobias. The amygdala is essential for decoding emotions, particularly threatening stimuli, so by healing our past traumas we can help our amygdala to function better which will in turn keep us in better symmetry.

To keep our Corpus Callosum toned and well endowed we need to be able to hop from left brain to right brain, using the whole gamut of our intelligence.  So I urge you to keep your minds curious. To constantly learn new things and new ways of being which will consistently create new neural pathways in our unique and exquisite brains.  To remain the same and to never try anything new is a form of death, particularly to our brains.  Our brains were designed to keep learning, to become smarter at what we know and what we do.  Just as our belief in energy and spirit is encoded into our frontal lobes, the neo cortex or God Brain as some refer to it. We also have a switch that is waiting to be flicked on that will activate our brilliance and multiple intelligence so that we can affect change in the world by embracing our resplendence and allowing our luminous light to be witnessed by all.