I was launched into this life seeking Self-Mastery. To be deeply connected to myself, others and the world around me. I seek to know and access the depths of unconditional love from myself and the universe, to live from the truth that we are all deeply connected and that we are One Consciousness. What we do to others we do to ourselves and what we do to ourselves we are doing to others. I sought to discover and embody that there is no separation.
Self-mastery can bring up a whole host of erroneous connotations. Some being that it requires a life of joyless control or that growth implies an overt seriousness. Or perhaps being confined to a metaphorical straitjacket, albeit one of honourable intentions. Maybe we believe that Self-Mastery is probably too exhausting and unobtainable to put into practice. I personally don’t believe it is any of the above.
We are the ones we have been waiting for.
I am going through a deep spiritual awakening. I’ve been through several in my evolution but nothing like this one. This has finesse and a depth of illumination that I didn’t know existed. It didn’t just miraculously appear as an act of grace from creation but because I have been in an infinite process of deep discovery, tracking my every mistaken belief I had about myself and the world around me. It is, however, of a divine graceful creation and I am immersed in it. But I’ve really been doing the work, living and breathing the true meanings of self-development and more importantly facing the self. Layers of resistance and defenses are crumbling back into the earth’s open womb that she will recycle into a more usable form. I am forgiving, releasing, honouring, accepting, loving, believing and having a lot of fun. I no longer see life or people through the same filter of lack. The things I always believed on an intellectual level are actually becoming embodied now. It is most definitely not a hardship but like anything it does involve a summoning to contest.
There are many beautiful possibilities being presented to me and also many challenges too, all in the spirit of me refining the parameters of who I thought I was. In the last month I’ve had the most beautiful conversations with people in my daily life and there is a lightness and joy that makes fun and play so much more accessible. Once I stepped out of the blame game and met those around me with respect, they felt it. Don’t we all want to be accepted for who we are at any given point?
And whilst they haven’t necessarily changed their behaviour they just don’t stir my emotions anymore. I’ve met them where they are at, not asking or needing anything from them. And because we have met each other at the threshold of acceptance and mutual respect, this is the land where miracles are manifest.
Self-mastery is about being neutral. It’s about practice and of course discipline. We never achieve anything without it. We need the discipline to practice by day, by hour and by minute to become more neutral in our interactions and communications. Self-mastery is about learning to not let our environment dictate our mental state. When we are not embracing self-mastery we take everything personally. We allow ourselves to become victims of others behaviour. We take every situation personally as if the universe is punishing us by sending us this person or that situation. The universe is testing us – there is no doubt about that – but only as a kickass parent who wants the best for its children. When we take things personally we try to seek revenge – no matter how subtle – with the fuck you attitude of “well you didn’t do this thing for me so I’m not going to do shit for you”. It’s everywhere: the subtle digs at others, the passive aggressive comments or body language, the sarcasm and so forth. When we blame others we usually seek to make them pay in some way. That’s the nature of human beings, no matter how subtle or insidious it is or even if it’s only in our own heads! We make them wrong and us right.
I have never wanted to take my crap out on others. As a child I somehow made that decision unconsciously. I’ve made endless mistakes during my evolution, just like we all have. I had an unhappy childhood but I never wanted that to give me a sense of entitlement that I then proceeded to take out on others around me. I never wanted to have the righteous indignation to treat the people I see day in and day out with the fire of my instability. I didn’t want to roast others in the blaze of my unresolved emotions, to use it as an excuse to treat others disrespectfully or make them feel like a piece of shit. There is enough of that in the world. I never wanted to add to it.
I see it all around me the excuses for bad behaviour or the excuses to disrespect others for no other reason than “I’m pissed off, I’m having a bad day or a bad life”. It’s a virulent cloud that covers any sense of light with its protruding shadow.
Everyone is in a marathon, just trying to get their needs met. In this sprint to get our needs met we have forgotten who we really are. We have forgotten that others can never provide us with the things we really crave because we are meant to give those things to ourselves first. We constantly seek acknowledgment from the external world when no amount of outside acknowledgment will ever fulfill those gaping holes because it is the subconscious that is crying for our attention and to be acknowledged. The subconscious governs our emotions and it is desperate to be heard from our own ears. This is all an inside job. There is absolutely no getting around that.
We are what we need.
When you awaken to a deeper truth of yourself on a soul level you begin to see the things you have not wanted to see. The fact that if we really and truly believed in abundance, we wouldn’t all be scurrying around banging others over the head with a hammer, protesting about getting our needs met. Those viruses and programs that run our minds, the mistaken beliefs and patterns that have kept us as a hostage in chains. You also see more clearly the hacks of the program that humanity is running that only serve to attempt to derail us and snatch our power away. Do we think The Matrix is just a film? It’s actually more real than we could ever imagine!
We can feel the kickback in our life when we embody more of our true self. When we realise that there are certain aspects of behaviour that we have allowed from others or indulged in ourselves just to make others happy that are beyond disempowering. People are always mirrors for us and they can prompt us gently or hammer us loudly, requiring that we journey deeper into ourselves and our story and release more and more of those constraints. These mirrors for me have often shown up in the guise of certain people who refuse to let me change. It doesn’t suit them to have me become emboldened. These are people that have a vested interest in us staying the same person, so that they can persist in attempting to get us to provide them with the things they believe they need. The people that need you to collude with their ‘story’, which neither serves them or you. The belief that we only connect through struggle or what’s not working in our lives is a completely outmoded view of relationships.
We must begin to connect through the things that we are proud of and what’s working in our lives and by doing that we create more of it. Instead of these people needling you at every opportunity or smiling through gritted teeth when life is going well for you and some opportunity is tapping you on the shoulder. But I’ve learnt to it accept it – nothing is ever lost – and it has activated the seeds of my growth spurt and I know I attracted it all. It wasn’t easy to see but I got it, I totally got it. It’s not them, it’s me. It’s all been a hack to keep me imprisoned because on some level if I had these jealous people in my life then I believed I couldn’t step up, couldn’t show my true self. I feared I would be condemned if I fully embodied my natural power and leadership. I feared rejection and the unseen energy of projected anger. But I see it so clearly now: of course it’s me that’s been rejecting myself all these years, people were only reflecting that back to me. My fear was that I would be abused in some way as I had been in the past if I really embodied my many gifts and talents again. I no longer believe this and I am forgiving myself and those around me. I can see now how the universe orchestrated these experiences based on what I believed and what a perfect set up it’s all been. The perfect foil I needed to release myself from the incessant loop. I no longer react in the same ways I did. I now care too much about my mental state to allow another to hijack it for too long. It’s about confronting those loops and becoming so present and self-aware that we can change that disruption or distortion so that it doesn’t take over our day or our life.
Even though on some level we are all connected in love and light and can never be separated eternally, they are us and we are them and it’s still okay to weed the garden. To release those toxic elements that stymie our growth or curtail our true expression. We must release them in love and acceptance, not in anger and resentment. We can embrace and even celebrate the opportunities for growth these challenges have afforded us. We might not have enjoyed them but they were the perfect conditions we needed to learn that lesson and move on.
The minutiae of our everyday lives are the direct manifestation of our long-held beliefs that were formed before our conscious awareness and significantly before our rationality interceded. If we are unhappy with the situations we experience in our lives then instead of blaming others or feeling bad about ourselves we need to go inside and discover those programs and viruses in the computer of our minds that spout lack, disappointment, abandonment, anxiety, stress and hardship at every turn. We must work with those inner elements – the sparks of which are crying out for our attention – especially if we are constantly in reaction mode. Working with the subconscious, as I wrote in my previous post, has many exquisite benefits and I continue to do it daily. The main one that we step out of the blame game and take responsibility for ourselves and the situations we attract into our lives and we forgive and love ourselves and then we get the rocket fuel under that dormant hope and as if by magic opportunities are then free to enter our lives unimpeded by anger and blame.
If we leave a situation with anger and blame it will only create more of it. Sometimes we do need to get out of situations for our own well-being or even safety and its not always possible at the time to be free from the kickback but over time we must learn to process these hostile feelings otherwise we take them into the next situation and vomit our crap all over the energetic field we are in. We take ourselves with us wherever we go. And when we remember we have created it all on some level anyway there is no use or benefit in staying in anger, jealousy or blame for years. It’s all learning, it’s all the movie of our lives. It’s giving us the opportunity over and over again to forgive and be free. To be open in heart and mind requires us to let go of those old, toxic emotions and hurts that are polluting the free flowing of our personal river and the river of humanity itself. Because whatever we allow to flow in that river whether its anger or love will affect the whole of Earth’s energetic field. The HeartMath Institute has been doing research for over two decades on this very principle:
” Scientists know Earth’s resonant frequencies approximate those of the brain, heart and autonomic nervous system, and studies show surprising relationships between health and behavior and solar and geomagnetic activity. Findings support the hypothesis that Earth’s magnetic field carries important biological information linking living systems. -HearthMath.Org
Self-Mastery is not something that will just knock on our door and present itself as a fully formed awakened person and we can just step into that suit and off we go. We have to decide whether we want it or not. And if so then that requires diligence and careful practice. Or whether we want to just dabble here and there and for others to feed back the story about how wronged we were or how crap the world is or how disempowered we are. We will never progress if we cannot really look at how we behave and what shows up in our lives as a result of that. I don’t have the inclination any more to rescue others or allow them to make up the rules and serve me with a list of demands. I want to guide others to awakening the divine light within them, the spark of creation that is the navigation we all need to get out of the calamities we sometimes end up in. I’m now very clear about that.
Sometimes the thing we need most is a kick up the backside about not wasting our lives on excuses. The biggest one being (even if it is never vocalized) is that we had a terrible childhood or life trauma so we should get a free pass. Or the belief that we don’t have to engage with the world or look too closely at ourselves. It really doesn’t work like that. If we want to thrive instead of just merely surviving then let us welcome those people in our lives who refuse to allow us to make excuses or wallow because they can see we are so much more than our limited view of ourselves. They hold no jealousy in their hearts because they love us and they want nothing more than for us to reach our potential. We are all better off when another one of us lights up. We were meant to light up, to shine our unique vibration out into the cosmos and have that light reflected back to us in a bold, cosmic dance of gravitational waves. The universe is learning about itself through us. Let’s give it something to behold.
The universe is waiting with baited breath to graciously and generously give us the life we crave and because we have free will and we are such powerful creators we have to be so careful what we put our attention and intention on. Unless we shift our focus we will recreate the same poverty of consciousness, the same wars, the same violence, the same discrimination and on and on it goes. Fighting begets more fighting, creating infinitely more and more dissonance so instead of being bitterly against all these atrocities in the world, shift our focus to become pro the things we want: the freedom, equality, peace, community, wellbeing, acceptance and love and know that we are a true family of light. The solutions lie at the level above, at the doorway of our soul, at the core of our love of humanity. When we live and breathe self-mastery we imbue the air and the field around us with a congruency, a balance of power all seeded from the One Consciousness. We are all stewards of the Earth and its time to step up, our planet desperately needs us to be self-mastered, so we can create our lives anew from a fresh canvas.
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